Feeling upset. My mind is racing. Mostly its thinking about the guys in my life and the ones thats used to be and sadly wont leave me alone. Im thinking about Hunter, Isaac, my moms ex boyfriend who was sorta like a dad to me when I was young, my biological father, and my boyfriend. Im thinking about how Isaac and hunter may have cared about me but were both to young mentally to know what their feelings were for me. Hunter says he loved me and he got jealous. Isaac says he loved me and was afraid to let me go......in both relationships they both gave up on me....they couldnt handle my depression spikes. They both pushed me away when Id get a feeling or craving. They didnt want to deal with that......understandable.... but still......it didnt help. I oddly want to talk to James (moms ex) idk why but I just do. I guess I want to see how hes doing. My dad came by today and he chuckled at what I said when my gma told me to stay in my room. I said its not like i leave my room that much anyways......he sounds like my grandfather and it makes me upset........ And Im thinking about Nic. Hes sick and I cant do anything about it. I really care about him and in all honesty I think he might be my true love. Saturday we were hanging out and something hit me (emotionally) it was random. I left to go to his bathroom and I just started having a panic attack. I was breathing heavy and crying......Ig he heard me but he barged in and picked me up off the floor.....he wouldnt leave my side until Sunday afternoon. He cares about me....i can see it in his eyes. I can feel it when he says he loves me......
Posted on: Tue, 04 Mar 2014 07:20:53 +0000
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