Fighting Perfectionism: Teaching Flexibility Perfectionism often comes from the either or, all or nothing, black and white thinking. This comes from difficulty evaluating context and assessing good enough. This also results in people wanting to know the one right way of doing something, having difficulty understanding several options and multiple meanings. This also drives the desire for concrete rules and laws to govern behavior. My experience is that social stories are good for teaching concrete rules, norms, etc. but to teach flexible thinking you need to put children in activities that lead them to think flexibly. There are severe ways to teach flexible, relative thinking: 1. Put the children in simple situations where there is no right way of doing it. Dont tell them how to get through it; however, do the activity with them and together help them think their way through it. Help model for them by thinking out loud and evaluating different options. First ask yourself out loud, what is my main purpose here? This way the children learn what the global outcome that they are looking for. From there dont tell them any one way of getting there. However, while thinking out loud, help guide them to problem solve, see different options, and evaluate which options are good enough. By doing the activity together as a team, there is less performance anxiety on the child. 2. Teach same but different and different but same. Do simple things like play catch with a ball, then vary the way you are doing it. Start by changing the item, playing catch with different balls, rolled up socks, pillows, etc. Then think of different ways you can play catch. Throw the ball high, bounce it, throw two balls at one time, etc. Have fun thinking of different ways you can play catch. 3. Perfectionists tend to see minor mistakes as devastating. Teach by example. Get involved in simple activities with the children, and again think out loud as you have them help you do the activity. Purposely make a mistake or run into a snag. Create minor irritations. While thinking out loud, problem solve your way through it. Pretend to be confused and say I wonder how I am going to make this work. Pause and wait to see if one of the kids will recommend a way through it. IF not, come up with one of your own, so the children see how mistakes, problems, and snags can be mastered, with the outcome being good enough. 4. Design situations where the children have to evaluate together when the response becomes good enough. “The purpose is to build a platform strong enough to hold the weight of this block. Once it can hold this block without collapsing (regardless of what it looks like or how strong it is) then it is strong enough.” Once that is decided, stop when it is good enough, not perfect. Have fun deciding when the response is good enough. “We need to shovel the snow off the sidewalk so we can easily walk down it. We do not have to clear every flake of snow off the sidewalk; just enough so we can walk down it without getting the tops of shoes snowy.” Shovel the snow, but don’t scape it perfectly clear. 5. Have fun playing opposite games. Actually practice doing something the wrong way. If you are playing catch, practice missing the ball. Have fun and exaggerate doing it wrong, and seeing how goofy you can do it wrong. I coach soccer and basketball for children on the spectrum. I am working on these concepts in all activities. I do not teach the children specific, step by step skills. I put the children in activities, whereby the activity itself leads them into flexible thinking. I do not teach them one right way to do something. For example, in soccer, to teach the children to keep the ball close to them while dribbling, and to shift gears in different directions, I simply put them in a small circle, and have each child (usually 12-15 kids) dribble their balls inside the circle without running into each other. This activity alone teaches them how to keep the ball close to them and to shift gears and turn the ball quickly, in order to avoid running into each other. I start with a large circle until they become more skillful and gradually make the circle smaller as they become more skillful. They learn that there are many ways of moving and turning the ball, all being good enough. The most important thing is to take attention off task performance and teaching a skill. Most teaching in autism has been centered on discrete trial learning and teaching specific skills and scripts. We need to focus more on teaching function and process, and not skills. Learning skills become natural once you learn the function and process to getting there. Once you become aware of your objective there are always different ways of getting there....all potentially good enough. This series on “rigid/inflexible thinking” can be found in the blue book, “Autism Discussion Page on the Core Challenges of Autism.”
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 10:53:59 +0000
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