First and for most I am not typing all of this to get a way to go or good job Im doing this for me! Im in recovery from well everything no need in sugar coating it. It is what it is! I have to get honest with everyone from my children family and friends. I can say for the past 18 years havent been great. I can honestly say Just For Today its a Good Day! Being in recovery and being sober its like I have eyes for the first time in a long time and can see a little bit better. Lets not get crazy with it! I know Im still a mess but Im a Beautiful Mess now and Not a Bloody Mess. Before I entered into the world of recovery lets just say that wasnt a good life by any means but it was a life my life my routine that I knew I lived for 18 years. Recovery is ALL ABOUT HONESTY! So I need to be brutally Honest if I want my program to work and keep growing as a new person! Eighteen years is a long time I see why some people never quit using its because Rehab is not for quitters by any means. Its a very overwhelming life journey. Its overwhelming because well you start sobering up and learn how to live clean for the first time ever and then all the sudden you realize you have a monster living inside of you that you cant control. Trust me no one says they want to be an addict growing up. I can tell you that when someone relapse its not because they want to. Its because its a disease a very nasty ugly awful disease. Yes disease. Not everyones brains are wired the same no two people are alike its different for everyone. I just know from my experience thus far I am excited to be on the other side of addiction. Addiction is something I will live with for the rest of my life!!!!!! Im good with that because being sober I have laughed and cried about the most silly things. Honestly. I was beyond scared going into recovery worried I would never have fun again or live. The beautiful thing about that is all along that was my addiction the enemy telling me that. Truth is I love being sober. I do not regret one day of my addiction because it made me who I am but it does not define who I am anymore and never will again! I learn something new everyday and have aaaaahhaa moments well a whole lot. Where as before I was just going through the motions. I got lost along the way. Even though I got lost the things I have FOUND THUS FAR IS MY PASSION! Not only to live and breathe and be free. I found my passion in life my purpose! That is to talk about my addiction because I lied and hide to long and I will not let the enemy make me feel guilt or shame about being in recovery because its a part of who I am now. I have found that things that happen to you dont define you there just things that happen and us being human well we think way to much. It sounds so simple but yet its a tough journey So Worth Taking. My addiction not only almost killed me but it is devastating to my Children and Family. My family I love very much and will never be able to repay them for the love they give to me at a time when I didnt even love or like me. You guys are truly amazing and I love you all. Above all I thank God! Thats the Key to recovery I sure cant stay sober on my own or I wouldnt be writing this. Its a beautiful moment when you get that closeness with God and you enter that secret place! Goodness once I found my secret place thats the most amazing feeling ever way better than any high I have ever had! God has been with me all along I just had to reach up and ask for help that was the hardest thing asking for help. Once I did the amount of Love that comes with that is awesome. I know I have a long road ahead of me. I can say one battle has been won and I know many more battles will be won with Jesus handling everything for me. Its an amazing feel. A huge Thank You goes to my Family for never giving up on me, New Beginnings!! Its there I was shown how to breathe,live, and Love again! Most important All The Glory Goes To God! Praise God! Im by no means where I need to be But Im Glad Im Not where I use to be!!! Sitting here writing this Im not trying to offend anyone or make this a big deal Im am writing this so the enemy does not still my joy by telling me I should tell people Im in recovery. I know I should tell people and if one person reads this and gets something from it Glory To God and if no one gets anything out of it But me Glory to God thats all that matters is its out in the open and talking about something that was bad and hurt me and kept me all tried up. God is turning it all around for The Good! GOD IS AMAZING! Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I feel so much better getting all of that out!! :)
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 01:46:10 +0000