Flash Fiction #10: Beliebe it or Not Justin Bieber had fallen on hard times. As his hair thinned and his tattoos crept past his collar and onto his face, his fans grew older and forgot about their former idol. Justin toiled in obscurity through the Twenties, then the Thirties, eventually catching a sliver of limelight with a walk-on part in an episode of the 37th season of The Big Bang Theory (where he played a racially insensitive karaoke singer). This appearance, coupled with society’s ever-present enthusiasm for pop culture past, led to a brief flurry of Justin Bieber nostalgia that the ex-singer wasted no time exploiting. Reaching out to his fans, he began a weekly webcast auctioning off his own memorabilia. The first lot, a matchbox containing three of his baby teeth, drew a final bid of two thousand dollars. Justin was ecstatic; and even more so when an agent showed up with a promise to double his future profits. Justin wasn’t sure what to auction next, and that gave his agent an idea. Why not throw it out to fans and ask them what they wanted? Not only would it add an extra layer of interactivity to the process, it might gain him some much-needed press attention. Justin liked that idea a lot, so having solicited his ever-expanding fanbase, a live lottery was drawn and the honour of choosing awarded to ‘4EverBelieber99.’ The winner asked for more teeth. Justin said he didn’t have any more teeth to spare, and suggested a lock of hair or a signed photograph. 4EverBelieber99 was adamant though, and threatened to report Justin to the Better Business Bureau if he went back on his word. Justin didn’t need that kind of heat, so he visited a dentist and had a rear molar extracted. The tooth sold for four thousand dollars. Richer but ever more leery of humankind, Justin gingerly announced another sweepstake. How 4EverBelieber99 managed to win a second lottery was a mystery that no one could answer, least of all Justin’s agent, who managed the process. What came as little surprise was 4EverBelieber99’s next demand though, the pinky finger from Justin’s left hand. Justin scoffed at first, but was told he was duty-bound to comply. At least this will be the end of it, Justin told himself, as he clenched together the secateurs. The pinky sold for eight thousand dollars. That wasn’t the end of it though. Justin’s amateur surgery led to a visit to the hospital and a surgical bill that ran into the tens of thousands, so on his agent’s advice, he set in motion a third lottery. Justin begged that he be allowed to auction an item of his choosing this time – a beloved childhood teddy bear or some used underwear – but his agent convinced him otherwise. Do it for the fans, she said. Besides, the chances of 4EverBelieber99 winning another lottery were infinitesimal. Justin’s left arm went for sixteen thousand dollars. Locked into a hopeless cycle of self-mutilation and spiraling medical bills, a time came when Justin was naught but a torso and a head. Eventually, having auctioned off his larynx, he was forced to present his webcast using a custom made typing wand strapped to his face. When the winner of Justin’s final auction called for the removal of his head, it came as a mercy. The head sold for thirty-two thousand dollars. 4EverBelieber99 was the winner. 4EverBelieber99 was his agent. 4EverBelieber99 was his biggest fan.
Posted on: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 14:52:36 +0000
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