For Everything (12) “You’ve already mapped out our whole relationship, haven’t you?” He looked up from his notes and found me smiling at him. “I’m sorry?” He asked, not because he hadn’t heard me, but because he needed time to come up with a response. “You’ve realized that we get along. You’ve seen how we’ve been flirting. You’ve sized me up in your head. You’ve determined what a happy honeymoon period we would have, and then you’ve theorized about hypothetical flaws in my personality that would drive you crazy, or what traits of your personality would drive me mad. You’ve pictured a crazy, romantic, rainbows-and-butterflies relationship for us. Am I hitting close to the mark here?” I said it all in a gentle, only slightly teasing way. His silence and slightly guilty smile confirmed that I had hit bull’s eye. I smiled just a little bit wider, and in spite of himself, he gave me a genuine smile back. “Don’t worry. I may have done the same.” I sat down on the couch next to him, and patted him on the knee. “So, let’s hear it. What is my fatal flaw that could ultimately lead to our relationship’s demise?” “Uh, not yours, actually, but mine. I can be too… controlling. And every once in a while, I might talk to you like you are a child. And someday, maybe a few years from now, when we finally move in together," he trailed. I raised both of my eyebrows. "Move in together talaga? Yang utak na yan ha, masyadong advanced." "I’m not finished, Julie." "Alright, alright. Talk," I said, half-giggling. "So when we move in together, you might get sick of me telling you what to do. You might, in an argument, probably, yell “You’re not my mother!” which could lead to a bigger over all argument, which could lead to you storming out leaving me once again alone and miserable.” “Wow. That is some plot." "Which could happen." "Yeah. It could. Perhaps," I agreed. But I was smiling simply because I find the thought of leaving him, and I quote, “alone and miserable", quite ridiculous. “Let’s hear your version, then. What is it that could lead to our relationship’s demise?” “Not yours, but mine,” I echoed, “I get into these moods, some days, where I don’t want to be happy and I don’t want to be cheered up. People can comfort me if they want, but any active attempt to make me happy will be met with bitterness and rage. I’ve yet to meet anyone who could tolerate these moods for long, and in my head, you’re no different. Eventually, you will get fed up and leave, and I have a proper reason to mope for days at a time.” “Hmm.” He stroked his chin dramatically and I laughed. “Mood swings. Sounds frightening enough." “So shall we put our theories to the test?” I asked, jumping back up to my feet. “What do you mean?” “Are you going to ask me out for real? Or will this all remain purely hypothetical?” "You’re already my girlfriend. Anong point?" "Just pretend that I’m not your girlfriend yet. And you had those thoughts. And naisip mo na pwedeng maging tayo, pero pwede din tayong magbreak. Will you still ask me out?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because the promise of love is worth the risk. It always is." I could only sigh and smile. He was doing it again, blurting out words that I wasn’t even sure I deserved, making me love him just a little bit more each passing moment. "Go out with me, Julie. Tomorrow night." "But I’m your girlfriend already. And that was a hypothetical question. You don’t really need to—" "Tomorrow night," he insisted. "Don’t forget to bring me flowers and another love letter. And oh, movies. I feel like having a movie date," I smiled and gave him a wink before turning on my heel and skipping out of the room. But not before I caught him smiling and looking back down at his notes before shaking his head and wondering aloud to himself, “What in the world have I gotten myself into?” I know the answer. Because last night, I was trying to explain to someone, looking for the words to describe what Elmo meant to me, and the first thing I said was, “He taught me everything I know about love.” I said it without even fully understanding what I meant, yet it felt right. It felt perfect to summarize his role in my life. Thinking about him, and literally nothing else, for the past few days, and I can trace exactly why I feel this way. He made me feel. I had gotten myself into a ride where the wheels never touched the ground, the view was amazing, and the destination was nowhere but a happy place. I’m not sure now if I ever told him that— that he made me feel. But I am certain— as certain as time, in fact, that he loved me to a point that he was willing to do everything for me. Every little thing. In every little way. For example, taking me out on random dates and constantly reminding me that I was wanted. For example, that night. “Elmo. Come on. Tell me what we’re doing.” I was blindfolded. He had an arm around my waist and his other hand was holding mine, leading me forward. “Almost there, almost there. Small step up.” I head the click of my shoes on an actual floor. We’d gone inside somewhere. He led me forward another five or six steps, and then sat me down on what seemed to be an extremely comfortable couch or armchair. “All right. Blindfold off.” He let go of my hand and I pulled my blindfold up and off my head. I was sitting on a very nice couch in a living room. Every inch of the walls were covered in movie posters. In front of me, there was a coffee table completely decked out in popcorn, junior mints, sweet tarts, pepperoni bagel bites, and several super-sized movie theatre style sodas. Positioned directly in front of me was a binder, which seemed to be packed full with at least a couple hundred DVDs. There was a very nice flat screen TV on the wall across from us, and a quick glance around the room revealed a surround sound system the likes of which I’d never seen before. “Sa ate ko to pero nasa province siya for the weekend and she told me that I could use the place for as long as I want. " "Kanya din yung DVDs?" "No, those are mine." "Wow. Ang dami." I looked at his stash, all one hundred and four movies and at least thirty two series collections, the inner child in me drooling. "LOST?" "Adrenaline rush." "Heroes?" I suppressed a chuckle. "Crush ko si Hayden Panettiere, okay?" He answered defensively. "Doctor Who." "Food for the brain." "Andami naman nito." "You should see my collection of books, Julie." "Mas madami, I bet." "Baka hindi mo na gustuhing umalis ng bahay ko pag nagkataon. Haha." "Haha. Let’s test that theory next time." "Would love to. But for now, whatever you want to watch and however long you want to watch, I’m in. I have burgers and pizza din.” "Define prepared," I said, smiling widely. He smiled at me hesitantly, with his best “how did I do?” look. I leaned in and kissed him softly. “You’ve done brilliant, babe. Thank you.” “That was the idea." “Am I being bribed?” He just laughed and kissed me softly again. “So, what are we watching?” he asked, looking back to the coffee table. With an eager smile, I descended onto the DVD binder, desperately flipping pages. So many choices, so little time. We spent the entire date holding each other, just cuddling and feeling lucky to have been thrown together despite everything that happened. Sometime in the middle of the night, I remember my eyes closing and my body feeling tired. I remember thinking that I felt grounded when I was with him, and in the best way. I wanted to stay on that couch and experience the many different ways that he could love me. We lay there resembling cutlery, and without even opening my eyes, I breathed in the wonder of being together. I opened my eyes for a while to give him a kiss goodnight, and he gave me the gentlest smile in return. And I hoped that it was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, because I wasn’t done living in the moment. In fact, I’d only just begun.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Jul 2013 19:09:34 +0000