For Future References; You need to learn how to handle conflict in Righteousness. No level, type or degree of conflict is justification for anyone to come out of character. The way people behave in conflict is a powerful indicator of whether or not a person has really been filled with the Holy Ghost. I know you didnt like that but its true, even if you talk in tongues. The power of the Holy Spirit, tutors and coaches one into right responses and mature behavior and not just foreign languages. Here is a basic template for handling conflict in Godliness; 1. Be Honest- Do not mask what you feel, what you think has happened and what the event or events have made you feel. If you fake your feeling you will create a toxic environment that will have you swelling with demonic thoughts and feelings about someone that God really loves. 2. Be Humble- This is important. People have a huge tendency with behaving as if conflict is one sided. NO conflict is EVER without two sides and two versions. Pride is what makes people give no consideration to the opposite side or version. This pride may come off as victimization or hurt, but underneath may be a powerful spirit of pride that has no empathy or gives no room for the fact that conflict requires the involvement of two parties. YOU HAVE ISSUES!! You need to be reminded about this when you are prompted to harshly judge or condemn another person about their stuff just because you feel like you were on the recipient end of a persons weakness. Many times rejection, abandonment, jealousy, envy, pride, loneliness and a slew of other devils can provide you with a set of glasses to look at other people through and being reminded that you are a mess will help you be merciful in conflict. 3. Be Responsible- Do NOT involve innocent bystanders. This is so common. I have seen this even to the extent of breaching authority laws. When something has happened to offend you, hurt you or wound you, the WORST thing in the world to do is involve people who 9 times out of 10 wont be mature enough to direct you towards Godliness. Even if this is the cover up, many people use these carnal rants and fake confessions as a guise for accountability when its not, because the first level of accountability should be to the person you are in conflict with. These cheer leading sessions and rejection meetings often end up sowing seeds, contains carnal jeering and often smears peoples character, integrity and name. This is christian gang banging, dishonorable and the behavior of thugs. If you need to vent, then do it to someone who is in GOOD standing with the person your offended with. If you cant do that, then you are seeking to be reinforced in your wickedness, no matter how you disguise it. 4. Be Open- Shockingly, many Christians in conflict really believe that the Holy Spirit gives them information about people they are offended with. This is LAUGHABLE!!!!!!!!!!! You really think, God would give you classified information about a person that you have a personal issue with??? Your discernment at that point is probably nothing more than skepticism and paranoia which both have voices as well. God would never disclose things to you about a person you are offended with or hurt by because He knows that such knowledge would further inflame your lack of Holiness and repentance and just because you have an issue with them doesnt mean God doesnt like them. God is NOT on your side. Furthermore, most conflict I have mediated has contained probably 20% actual events and actions and 80% perceptions. Your perceptions can be faulty, contaminated or affected by several things. Never approach your feelings like they are facts. 5. Be Vocal- Here is where the line is drawn. After taking time to calm your emotions and invite the Holy Spirit into the matter, make a commitment to be extremely open and vulnerable about what you feel. This is why most conflict resolution doesnt work, is because most people are too afraid to be vulnerable. Even in a conflict meeting people are inwardly debating about what they should or should not say, and then go home either half way helped or feeling even worse. Right or wrong, admit to what your feelings were and allow room for them to have been based upon things other than what actually occurred. Ive failed at this before, and most of you probably have too. You have to lay your feelings bare, if conflict resolution is to be helpful and authentic. 6. Dont Assume- Many times in conflict, especially when it is not handled as soon as you are sober enough to handle it, you allow room for all types of conversations to be had in your heart, judgements to be made and verdicts as well about a discussion you have postponed. In conflict, I have had people tell me entire scripts of things they thought I felt, and never until that point, allowed me room to speak for myself. Dont give yourself a script for another persons intent, motive, feelings or view. Let them say it, if they lie, then thats between them and God. The key to this is trying to handle conflict quickly. The longer you take to do it, the more likely it is that you will have attached to your views and these heart discussions about a person that you never allow them room to clarify where they are on a matter. 7. STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD- For Gods sake people. Dont let twitter, instagram, facebook, text messaging, instagram or whatever else out there, make you a punk! This is so cowardice. I have seen grown men, halfway done with their lives, go on rants like they were women. Its disgusting. When PMS has a keyboard, nobody is spared. Never ever ever, use your computer to confront someone about an issue that should be a personal discussion. What youre really trying to do is gather an audience to agree with you, because most times, these are the only people listening. FLESH!!! Sure, you can act like your typing is general, but most times, nobody that follows you finds the information useful, so its to an imaginary crowd and really the response of your own cowardice and opportunity to set a record straight. The reverse is also true. In conflict, dont immediately speculate that every post, comment, discussion or tweet is directed at you. That could be pride. Because of a conversation that hasnt been had, you really should avoid thinking that you consume that much of a persons mental space. Dont be a keyboard bandit and a computer coward. Invest yourself in stuff that matters and even if for the sake of character, maybe until the conflict is over, stay away from the other persons social networking page, so that you are not filled with hell when you read their status. Yuk! 8. REPENT- You have to be honest with yourself, with God and depending upon how mature you are, the other person about what youve done or allowed to happen because of conflict. If you love the other person, or want to know the other person, then be honest about what enraged you. This is why most conflict isnt handled. Their cant be hard talks, and then open transparent repentance. Tell everything you did, thought, said and confess. Doing it before the Lord is not enough because you didnt just sin against the Lord, you sinned against someone else. This will make the other party feel safe and will disarm them. If you were disrespectful, slanderous, hateful, you need to admit it and confess it!! If youre not ready to do this, you are very immature and are allowing the other persons reception determine how right you are in the sight of God and in the authority of Gods word. Say Im sorry, please forgive me and release me for what Ive done. 9. Be Resolved- Sometimes middle ground is accepting what happened, owning your role, having the talk, preferably face to face and coming to a conclusion about what should have been done differently. This resolve does not necessarily promote future interactions in the same place but definitely brings closure to an issue in your heart so that your social, emotional and spiritual self is not so bruised by something in the past, that it affects people in your future!! Accept it, dont allow the devil to use it as ammo against your covenant relationships or even worse...your calling. 10. Be Reconciled- Now this is for people that were in relationship and had a rip. This is not for people who are offended without a relationship. Some people will be offended and take issue because they want a relationship, so in that scenario, you can stop at number 9. For all else, in conflict, the ultimate objective is to allow love and forgiveness to be perfected. Being less accusatory will help this. In reconciliation, love, honor and respect is restored. TRUST, however, is a different subject. Love and trust are two different discussions. You love by FAITH you trust by PROOF. Therefore, being reconciled does not necessarily mean that a person deserves the same spot and space they once had in your life, especially if they arent behaving differently from what they have in the past, or maybe some of the seeds sown in them during the conflict is still there and manifesting. In that scenario, after the reconciliation keep healthy distance. In that case, love and value are in tact, even when trust is no longer there. Trust should be built and in humility, if you were wrong, but still desire to be apart of a persons space, you should commit to restoring trust. If not, it is possible to be reconciled in your view, heart and value for a person, even if you decide its healthy to keep them away from you!!!! Hope this helps you!!!!!!!!!!!! Use it on your teams, in your relationships, amongst friends, in ministries, in marriage and even for those of you that have broken relationships!!! #Jesusfixmylife
Posted on: Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:18:26 +0000
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