For all of those profilers out there, I happen to be a woman who HATES going to the mall, HATES shopping and HATES spending money, but when you have a child, of course you are required to do ALL of these things ALL year and especially at school time. So, I recruit my wonderful daughter Fairica Frades to assist in this years shopping mall experience buying new school clothes for my 11 year old. Fairica has great style, is a frugal shopper and very efficient makes it through the mall like a race horse on a mission. So, Fairica, Christian Frades and I set off to the mall, of course to do last minute shopping because I postpone the nightmare experience for as long as I possibly can. With dread I go from store to store, Christian being a teenager off on his own shopping spree and Fairica dragging me from place to place. About the third store in I see in the distance a bar lying invitingly beside the food court. Oh, oh, ow, ow, I cry out. Fairica said what is wrong. My hip, I claim. (all fake, of course) What is wrong with your hip (she is irritated) ? It hurts and I need to sit down, I claim. Where are you going to sit down she asks. At that bar over there, I point. Okay, she says and escorts me to the bar where I instantly order a 16 ounce 8% beer. She clearly is jealous and wants that beer but, being the good daughter she is, snatches it out of my hand, slams half of it down and dutifully finishes my shopping for me. WaHaHa! While she is shopping, I help myself to another 16 ounce 8% beer and then (the one I didnt admit to) yet a third one. By the time Fairica returns hoping there is some of the first beer left (she was only gone 30 minutes) I had thrown back 3, admitting to only 2. I was feeling pretty good when I hear her on the phone to Christian saying We have a situation, Grandma is drunk in the mall. Even in my high state of relaxation, some how hearing those words gave me clarity of how odd they sound Grandma is drunk in the mall? My highly open minded, forward thinking grandson said leave her alone, let her drink, we can get more shopping done. In reflection, I realize I am not the typical mother/grandmother and I need to leave these bastards at home from now on and just go to the mall and drink! I am now a convert, I like the mall.
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 16:14:29 +0000
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