For all those parents who like to tell me how to discipline my child!! Id like to take a moment to reflect on a little known disorder that many times coincides with Autism. This disorder is known as Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Autistic persons often have SPD, but not all persons with SPD have Autism. (Tylar) SPD involves any disorder of your senses. This can range from over-sensitivity to light, smells or sound to an under-sensitivity to taste and touch. SPD can also affect the vestibular and proprioceptive systems which control balance, movement and spatial orientation. As a mother of a child with SPD, Ive come across so many people who are unsure of and even put off by her unique behavior. Here are some things Id like to say. Please take a moment to read, share and spread the word. The more we educate others, the better we become at responding to these children who need us. She has reasons for being fidgety. Her SPD creates an insatiable craving for tactile stimulation. She fidgets because her nervous system isnt developed the same as yours or mine. Her nerves act as a one-way street. Her brain is telling her nerves that they should be feeling the rigidity of the seat under her bottom, but her nerves never respond to her brain letting it know they already feel it. This creates frustration and anxiety which leads to fidgeting. The same is true in reverse sometimes, too. Some sensations, though inconsequential to you or me, are overwhelming to her. The tag on your shirt isnt noticeable to you, but for Tylar, her nerves are telling her brain that a thorn is digging into her neck. She fidgets, but she has very good reasons for her fidgets. The noises you balk at are necessary for her sanity. The inappropriate noises she makes are repetitive and soothing to Tylar, all the sounds that you and I tune out carry the same urgency as those we prioritize. You hear the voice of your boss telling you the deadline for your next project. Tylar hears her teacher explaining a math problem, but also hears the humming of florescent lights, the rattling of the heater, the chatter of other students, the footsteps of the aid, the cars driving by outside the window, and even her own breathing. Because her auditory discernment is not as strong as yours or mine, she is unable to focus on priority sounds and, in an effort to push aside all that noise, she makes sounds, herself, that help drown out the confusion. DO NOT TELL ME TO SPANK MY CHILD!! She is NOT a bad girl!! Tylar does not have bad manners. In fact, she is one of the most polite and thoughtful children youll ever meet. She says Please, Excuse me, and Thank you without prompting, and is always sure to give you hugs and kisses if she thinks youre sad. When we pick out toys at the store, she often asks if we can get things for her cousins. She is a truly loving, good little girl. Her meltdowns are not the result of being spoiled, coddled or moody. They are markers for the moment her strong little heart is overwhelmed by the 24/7 job of trying to push back against a tsunami of stimulation. We are NOT bad parents. How often Brandon and I are looked at as if we are the root cause of Tylars more stressful moments! How often we are asked if weve tried X, Y or Z to basically force Tylar to fall into line! We did not cause her Sensory Processing Disorder. Our parenting styles did nothing to bring on her sensitivity to certain situations. We love our child fiercely and do everything in our power to see that she is cared for, protected and loved. We may not be the most savvy parents in regards to the latest therapies available, but dont you dare mistake our novice ignorance for bad parenting. We are fighting to make ourselves and others aware of this disorder, and we are doing all we can to give Tylar the therapy she needs to cope. So the next time you see us in the store while Tylar is having a meltdown because the lights hurt her eyes and the cart feels especially frustrating to her backside, refrain from suggesting I stop spoiling her. I might not be so charitable in my response. She doesnt understand personal space. I apologize in advance. My daughter is going to get in your face - frequently. Because her proprioceptive system is underdeveloped, she doesnt understand her own body in space. Thus, she cannot understand her body relative to yours. As a result, the only way she fully knows shes close to you is if her face is touching (or nearly touching) yours. Again, since her auditory sense is sometimes jumbled, she ensures you can hear her (and she, you) by being all but on top of you for a conversation. She doesnt do this to be rude... She does it because she doesnt know any other way. We are working on this. Please be patient with her. She LOVES stepping on things with her bare feet. Owing to her intense addiction to stimulation, Tylar loves stepping on everything and anything with her bare feet. This poses quite the challenge to us, because she even gets satisfaction from stepping on things that are dangerous. She craves the sensation of various objects under the sensitive nerves of her feet. In addition to forcing Brandon and I to keep the floors relatively free of items, this also creates a problem with shoes. Tylar is very sensitive to the type of shoes shes willing to wear, and its many times a fight to get her to keep them on, even when were outside. Shes not throwing a temper-tantrum because she wants to wear her Ugg boots vs. her sneakers... Shes having a meltdown because her boots give her relief from her tactile craving while her sneakers compound the frustration and add to her anxiety. Again, please be patient. She is doing so much better with this, but it is a difficult skill to learn when your nerves rebel against you. She is so incredibly smart! Just because shes not comfortable in a mainstream classroom doesnt mean shes not able to learn. It doesnt mean she is stupid. My daughter is fearsomely intelligent. Her memory is better than mine, it amazes me, and her appetite for spelling her name is a new passion, makes my heart swell with pride. The creativity and problem-solving is coming along. Standardized testing cannot verify her learning the way she learns. Circle time cannot concede to her superior grasp of cause and effect. No Child Study Team will ever capture the wisdom she shows in her thoughtful, gentle care of those she instinctively understands need her affection. Again, my daughter is fearsomely, awesomely intelligent. Oh, how she loves to laugh! Itself a very stimulating experience, my daughter LOVES the sensations she gets from laughing. Her belly rolls, her chest heaves, her ears delight in the noise of giggles. Her whole face feels the movement of her smile as her eyes crinkle in anticipation of the high-pitched squeals she cranks out. What joyful music. My daughter loves laughter. She loves being tricked and surprised. She loves being the cause of laughter around her. Shell clown about or say silly things with the sole goal being laughter... glorious laughter. Oh, how she loves! There is not a malicious bone in my daughters body. She happily pets our puppies generously saying, Look, Mommy. Dewdrop loves me! I love Dewdrop, too. Shell parade around with her stuffed dog, and tell everyone what a good dog she is and how much she loves her dog because she is a police dog. Shell throw her arms around your neck and tell you how happy she is to see you because she loves you so so much. Shell make you feel like a million bucks because, to her, everyone is her best friend in the whole, whole world. In a word, my daughter is love... pure, unblemished love. Please remember that the next time her sensory challenges leave you frustrated or confused. Above all, simply remember that she is capable of giving and receiving love. Next time a sensory-craver like Tylar has a melt-down, respond with love. Push aside your own frustration and confusion because it pales in comparison to the anxiety she feels on a routine basis because of this disorder. Respond with love, too, to the parents of these special children. Do not discount us as bad parents or folks to be pitied for having a problem child. Far from it. We love our children and are proud of them. We are joyed at being given the opportunity to unwrap their potential and cant wait to see how they change the world!
Posted on: Sun, 04 May 2014 13:22:05 +0000
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