For many Moroccan women, marriage remains a necessity, even if it comes later in life. Society has seen a great deal of change in recent decades, with improved education having perhaps the most profound impact on the deferral of marriage. The average marrying age of women has risen from 17 in 1960 to 27, according to the High Commission for Planning and Statistics (HCP). But many of the most modern women eventually submit to tradition. Sociologist Jamila Baadi told Magharebia that in Morocco, as in other Arab countries, marriage may no longer be the top priority for women, but it remains a necessity. The Moroccan mindset has changed... over the past three decades. Families no longer feel the need to marry off their daughters as soon as possible, preferring to send them to school first, so that they can be educated and financially independent, said Baadi. However, while society’s views on marriage have changed, women still face great pressure from society when they reach their thirties. Jalila Arafaoui, a bank clerk, married two years ago at the age of thirty-five. She was enjoying success in her professional life and thought that nothing could stop her from having fun and making a life for herself. But when I turned thirty, the way my neighbours and family looked at me became irritating. My parents asked me every day if anyone wanted to marry me. Because of the pressure they put me under, I accepted the first offer that came my way, and suffered the consequences, Arafaoui said, adding that she got divorced after four years. [Sarah Touahri] Moroccan brides often change their clothing several times during the wedding celebration. [Sarah Touahri] Moroccan brides often change their clothing several times during the wedding celebration. [khaoula] [khaoula] Related Articles :: Tunisian weddings: preserving authenticity, searching for modernity :: At Mauritanian weddings, black evokes the desert sky :: Guemamdia postpones his wedding to join Tunisian World Cup team Many women like Jalila feel this pressure as they approach their thirties. Samira Sefrioui, a teacher, suffers daily because she is 38 and still unmarried. Although she is financially independent, she is still receives hurtful comments from all sides. I can’t stand the pitying way my close relatives look at me. It makes me ill at ease, even though the fact I’m not married is a personal decision I took some years ago, to have a quiet life, she explained. But while Samira has deliberately chosen to remain single, other young women suffer because they have been unable to find the ideal husband. Baadi explained that some young women who have achieved a high level of education begin looking for a husband with the same level of university qualifications. But as time goes by, they realise that they have spent the best years of their life searching and not finding anyone. That is the moment when they feel social and cultural pressure from those around them, Baadi said. Khadija R., a doctor, is a perfect example: at forty years old, she is still not married. A few years ago she wanted to marry a surgeon, but as time went on her demands became less specific. For now, I no longer have that requirement. I simply want a respectable husband so that I can have a child before reaching menopause. I regret having spent my life looking for a tailor-made husband, she says with frustration. Even the most modern women submit to tradition and celebrate their marriages according to ancient tradition. The young bride, whether educated or illiterate, always aspires to observe the special rituals of the marriage ceremony, said Baadi. It is almost impossible for the young bride to refuse the mahr [a financial gift from the husband to the wife]. The mahr is obligatory under Islam, but is normally only a symbolic amount. In Morocco, however, it represents the woman’s value in the eyes of her future husband. There are very few women today who would put up with a symbolic mahr. Asmae Bekkali, a 24-year-old student, just broke up with her fiancé because of the mahr. To me, it’s symbolic, and it’s love which counts. But for my family, where I’m the only daughter, my future husband must express my value, said Bekkali. I cannot change their minds. My fiancé had the means, but as a matter of principle he refused to give me a mahr which would satisfy my parents’ aspirations, she continued. Other traditions and rituals are equally important. The marriage celebration has an atmosphere of its own, beginning with the hammam [or Turkish bath], which the bride visits with her closest female relatives. On the eve of the wedding she attends a henna ceremony, in the presence of women from both families. The grooms gifts to the bride are displayed for the guests amidst great festivities, singing and dancing. On the big day, the bride is presented to the guests in her best finery. A professional co-ordinator called the neggafa paints on the brides henna and takes meticulous care of her appearance and wardrobe, which changes several times throughout the ceremony. Saida Tounoussi is a neggafa. She learned the trade secrets from her grandmother, and has spent the past ten years preparing brides for their wedding day. It’s a captivating profession which I’ve no doubt will always be profitable. Certainly, my income is only predictable in the summer, when a lot of marriages are celebrated. But I manage to make a living, she declared. In her shop in Temara, a young woman is busy looking through a photograph album to choose the traditional costumes she would like to wear for her wedding. Without a neggafa, I wouldn’t consider myself to be properly married. Like all girls, I want to be the most beautiful woman at my marriage ceremony. And that’s where Saida will help me, the young lady said happily.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 12:29:08 +0000
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