For the last few days now, I have been reflecting on my life up to this point. Looking back and within, I see that I’ve done some really amazing things and also some things that I am not proud of. There have been a few times that I allowed things to happen in my life or made decisions that led to results that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but I have had plenty of results that I would wish on the world. I started reflecting recently because several people (12 different individuals, to be exact) are expressing concerns to others about how I stick to myself too much and saying that I am a really private person. Some have even gone as far as to say that I am very secretive and that I am living a secret life. After some thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t share everything with everyone for one simple reason: Most people just can’t handle the truth. Someone who can handle the truth would say we are all loved regardless of what our past has consisted of and even without regard to our current and future decisions. I have an expectation that believers will have the same love for me that God does and I have chosen not to share all of my life with those who can’t handle that privilege with love. To be honest, I am just now starting to feel comfortable with talking about what is going on in my heart with people. In the past, I have been pretty hesitant to share my life, or anything about myself for that matter, because I have had my information spread to others many times in the past. This happened most commonly when people that I shared with misused information against me, but I have also had people that are ‘spiritually gifted’ discern things that I kept to myself – some true and some not – and then broadcast what they ‘discerned’ to others, saying that I have been keeping secrets – doing all of this without a thought for my well-being. Since these people thought they were entitled to know everything about my life, they perceived my not sharing as isolation or as being dishonest, when all along it was me saying “mind your own freaking business!”. Know this: Not sharing your life with someone does not equate to ‘keeping secrets’, it actually can be a sign of self-respect. It is okay to choose who you share your life with and what information you share with people. Don’t believe the lies that will try to convince you that you are living in the darkness if you don’t share everything with everybody. I have spent a bit of time investigating the church’s current understanding of the phrase ‘living in the light’ because it is used so frequently. What I found was that the root of this phrase has to do with controlling other people. ‘Living in the light’ is made out to mean that we are obligated or under compulsion to share our lives with certain people instead of sharing out of real relationships, which I believe is what God actually intended. I know for myself, that when I shared with people because I felt like I had to; telling them my ‘weaknesses’, they were given some type of power over me because I didn’t know my identity in Christ. In light of this, I have come to the conclusion that if living in the darkness, means the struggles and different things I deal with are ‘covered’ (which is actually what love does) then so be it. I am completely okay with church people thinking of me as living in the darkness. Please know that I am not asking for anyone’s opinion on the matter. I don’t want to hear any Bible verses about why we need to be uncomfortably exposed to people. There are plenty more verses in the Bible that encourage us to protect each other in love. Like the verse that says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1st Peter 4:8). I do have to say that I am tired of how we quote all the verses in the world, but our lives don’t reflect what we are saying. I have stopped quoting many verses to people until my life is able to verbalize them without even speaking. I make no claims to be perfected in the verse above, but I do try my best to cover people with love. If what you are quoting isn’t jumping off the pages and becoming reality, please stop. Growing up, I learned a much different set of values than what a lot of the church holds today. In black culture, we don’t broadcast our business – we keep things to ourselves and we don’t pry into other people’s business. As a child, I was taught that what happened in my family stayed in the family. Also, my mom would always tell me, “If a dog will bring you a bone, he is sure to take one as well”, meaning if someone gossiped to you about someone else, they were sure to share your business as well. As a result, I learned to be wary of sharing anything with people who will share other people’s business with me, and to not share someone else’s business with people. If you come to me and say, “Please don’t share this with anyone else” and shortly after, someone else comes by asking about you, I am not obligated to share your business with them. As a matter of fact, I would lean toward saying that because I value you, I am obligated to keep your information safe. You should never let yourself feel like you are obligated to give your or other people’s information. Alternatively, stop feeling obligated to information about other people’s lives. In reality, it is a privilege when someone shares their life with you; not something you are entitled to. I am valuable and so is my life – if I share with you, it is an honor, I am not doing it cause of my obligation to you. I’ve watched church people learn information about someone and then use it against them time and again. Many church people gossip or slander behind the mask of a prayer request or the guise of; I’m just trying to warn you to watch out for this person. I am tired of all of the slander and I need people to know that I am through with it. If that is how you operate and live, then you can miss me with all of that because, to me, it is not right. I have no desire to get out there and be active, trying to change the church. Changing the church is not my responsibility. The only things I have been given to protect are myself and my children. I will encourage you, though, to learn to communicate with people the right way because I think a lot of gossip begins with people not being able to confront situations head-on and so they end up talking about the situation and the people involved in an underhanded manner. For example: If I get into a disagreement with Andrew, I shouldn’t find myself running off and talking to Bob first about the situation and by doing so, poisoning Bob’s opinion of Andrew. Whatever problem I have with Andrew, I need to take it up with him, not someone else. Even if confrontation is uncomfortable for us, we need to value the other person enough to go directly to them instead of going to other people. If the situation is not able to be resolved between the two of you, it might be wise to find a mutual friend whose opinion won’t be changed about either of you and have that person try to help you work it out. People often mask what they are doing by saying they just want to ‘share’ what they are going through. I don’t think there is anything wrong with sharing with people and processing what is going on in a situation, but I do think it is wrong to not bring the issue up with the person you are having an issue with or to talk about someone to immature people whose perception of this person will be poisoned by what you are saying. I know that over the span of my life, I’ve done my fair share of hurting people, but I’ve also been hurt by those same people and I’ve also taken the opportunity to bless these same people and a butt-load of others. I am confident that these blessings go far beyond the ways that I’ve hurt people. I know this to be a fact because Jesus told me… in person, by the way – go get some… Hahaha, just messing with you! I know I am not perfect, but I am constantly amazed by what we as Christians do to each other. I am really tired of how we do each other in the church system. It is why I don’t want to be a part of the church. There are so many people saying, ‘Let me warn you about this person’ and gossiping about others, which has put a deep distaste in my mouth for the entire system. People tend to act self-righteous when pointing out the faults of others, but the reality is, it is quite easy to highlight someone’s problems and expose their issues –people have been doing it for a long time. It is usually an indicator that someone has not discovered their true identity. I am tired of the cliques inside the church and the cut-throat, merciless attitude that says, “once you cross us, you are on the opposite side and we are against you”. We need to learn to disagree with people without letting the disagreement get between our relationships. If you have a little switch in your mind that when someone is right, it makes you want to defend them, but when you think they are wrong, it makes you want to speak poorly of them and treat them in a negative way – your mind isn’t conformed to the love that covers a multitude of sins. I have seen this cut-throat way of thinking in effect so many times. I watched it hurt multiple people at Mr. Albert’s church, which I used to attend, and then I experienced the pain and slander personally when I stood up for myself to him… **Maybe someday I’ll share the letter that he sent out to so many people about me. For those that don’t know how much it hurts when people are speaking about you, I’ll let you know that it hurts like hell. I have to say, though, that I would break free of the system again in a heartbeat and I would encourage others to do the same. I would ‘cross’ any pastor and his congregation that was taking my freedom and go through the pain and slander again if it meant getting a hold of the freedom that I have now. Since leaving the church a couple of years ago, my life has changed so much. For starters, I have come into the true freedom that is found in Christ. Throughout this time, there have been some very deep lows, but God has always given me much higher highs. As much as some of the people who gossip about me would like to think they are being like Paul, they aren’t. Even if they were being like Paul, I don’t think they are in the right. If I were in Paul’s day and Paul said some of the things he said in the Bible to me, I probably wouldn’t have taken it that well. I am a bit of a fiery one and I don’t think Paul saying certain things to me would have gone over too well. I guess this is the time that I should let everybody know that I don’t necessarily believe that everything that is written in the Bible accurately displays God’s heart. I want everyone that is reading this to understand something: I am not what you know about me, what you think you know about me or what you have heard about my past, present or future; and I will not be treated like I am those things. I’ve been through enough stuff in my life that it makes sense for me to have my issues… I make no apologies for being messed-up, but when the opportunity arises and I become aware of an issue, I do repent from being messed-up. No matter what people say about someone, true or not, it is very important to love that person and to be careful about how you talk about them or let others talk about them to you. More importantly, no matter what you learn about someone, it is important to love them because ‘love covers a multitude of sins’ and because, with God, any situation can change overnight. Gossip is idle talk or rumor about the personal or private affairs of others. It is one of the oldest and most common means of sharing facts, views and slander. This term is used pejoratively by its reputation for the introduction of errors and variations into the information transmitted, and it also describes idle chat, a rumor of personal, or trivial nature. - Taken from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gossip I believe that the law of love cancels out or even trumps the concept of gossip. For instance, if you are talking about a situation to a friend, and both of you that are involved in the discussion are speaking out of love and if the information is not effecting the way either of you love and view the person then I believe that discussion is on a higher plain than gossip and it should not be labeled as such. Nonetheless, if you are sharing information about someone and you have not talked with that person about this information, I think you should make sure to talk to them about it as soon as possible. If you come to me, I am not going to share other people’s or my business with you. Until I see people being able to love others like Jesus has loved their asses, I’m good on sharing things with them. I don’t feel the need to have a bunch of friends and I don’t need to be surrounded by people. I am what you call an introvert – I like staying to myself. And, yes, I may have trust issues, but the simple fact that I am willing to entertain that idea means that it would be workable. You might even go beyond trust issues and say that I’ve been wounded, but one thing is for certain: I am not disqualified because of my wounds, no person is going to play the umpire in my life. I won’t let people use the term ‘wounded’ to disqualify me anymore. I know that it is hard to pick up someone’s tone in writing, so please know that I am not meaning to be offensive in this post. I am not mad or upset, but I am trying to share from my heart. I only want to share who I am and where I come from. Again, please hold all of the verses about living in the light because I need the Living Word to live out of me, not a bunch of verses thrown at me. In conclusion, whether you agree with what I am saying or not and whether or not you think I am wrong in my thinking – this is how I feel and it won’t be changed by what people have to say. Nope, not even by those in ‘AUTHORITY’. Miss me with that shit too! Stay Blessed! & I love y’all, fa realz
Posted on: Thu, 11 Jul 2013 06:03:29 +0000
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