For the past few days, I have been off the Internet. Largely. I havent taken calls. Or answered too many mails. Or felt the need to update my status. Ive made silence an option. A non negotiable space that I have guarded fiercely. Ive sat in the long winding balcony of our make-shift Jodhpurpark home, staring listlessly at the grey winter sky, listening to Rabindrasangeet on loop. Je chilo amaro sapanocharini.... Missing my old study. The lake. The lovers. The lull. Ive made time for dad, taken him to every movie he wanted to see, before he flies back to Delhi. Weve discovered quaint coffee-shops. Ive played with Geru. Watched her laugh. Cry. Sleep on her stomach. Ive listened to mom make casual banter with Mangaladi, dissect the daily menu with renewed gusto every morning. Talk longingly about our new home that will come up by next year. Hopefully. Been out grocery shopping. Taken impulsive rickshaw rides, chatting with the weathered rickshaw pullers, the wind in my tresses. Bought a bunch of the brightest red roses. Bumped into old friends and acquaintances at the strangest of places. Made it to the Alipore zoo on a burgeoning afternoon, accompanying a bunch of adorable children. The sound of their laughter a reaffirmation, as if. Ive read Joy Goswami and Sunil Ganguly. Making a mental note of all the Bengali books I want to buy before I leave. Ive laid awake at night. Remembering my grand-parents. Writing poems in my mother tongue. Saying out the words. Feeling the unbridled joy of my own language. The lusciousness of individual pauses. Telling myself while passing by the river on the first of January, that I will write another on a slow moving boat. Soon. Chasing the sunset The lights of the city shimmering. Sensous. Serene. Youve been kinda off the radar, Sree, is that the Kolkata effect? an Editor friend enquires, jokingly. I smile. Maybe shes right. I think. When I am alone. Again. Maybe, it takes a lot of noise to find your centre. To think. To feel. To be ready. Another book. Another beginning. Another ending.... Or, maybe, its what being home eventually means. Being invisible. And, indispensable.... Time on your side. This once...
Posted on: Tue, 06 Jan 2015 12:59:55 +0000
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