For the record Fagbug fans, i would like to come out. I shop at Walmart. Me going to Walmart is in my first film, and my mission with my project is to educate the general public about homophobia and I could not find a better store in America to do that. I know the Walmart argument, and I respect people who are able to and choose to not shop there. This past fall, I did 43 events, was gone from my home 2 months and came back with about $1500 after my car and travel expenses were paid. I have 7 animals to feed and both my wife and I do not make enough money combined to not shop there. Would I rather starve myself or my dogs to not shop there, no. People often ask me when speaking where my wife is, why shes not there? We own a home and I do not even make enough money to support myself let alone the two of us. Sonya has supported me continuing with this path financially and all my money has gone into producing the second film. She works hard everyday and without her help my project and I wouldve sunk long ago. That being said, as I left Walmart, where I got my holiday cards because they were $20 cheaper then the coupons I had for Shutterfly, a woman knocked on my door. I was scared for a second and jumped because it caught me off guard. She had seen my film and just told her daughter all about my story. She had a note in hand she was about to put on the car before I got into it. I unrolled the window and she said, my daughter wanted me to give this to you. I looked over and saw her daughter jumping and cheering and celebrating in her seat so happy her mom gave me the note. I got out of the car and took time to talk to her and get a picture with her and sent her mom my second film to share with her. Since seeing my car and meeting me, shes shared the story with anyone who will listen and it has a positive impact on her outlook. I am particularly interested in driving my car because I dont believe kids her age get educated until its too late, so having this exchange was a highlight for myself and my project which is why it was shared. Ive also been documenting the notes I get on the car for 8 years and I document the details such as location they were left. I put time into all of this. I drive the car wherever I happen to be going in my daily life as well as when Im on tour. I will not start not driving it places because people on my page feel I should not be where I am. Upon posting this sweet and positive and innocent post, I got quite a series of responses from someone attacking me for shopping at Walmart. The first comment said, Why were you at Walmart. My response was, That has nothing to do with the post. Immediately, for saying that, I was called annoying, a hypocrite and an asshole amongst other insults. Ive also been criticized by people for sharing these posts. For 8 years, Ive committed to sharing both sides of the reactions I deal with. Because I got my holiday cards at Walmart versus Shutterfly, a whirlwind of attacks came my way from posting that I got a note on my car there. I had to deal with being judged, called names and just overall rude comments, I share that because its an analogy for life. People out there will constantly try to drag you down when you are in the public eye or successful. Its human nature for insecure people and it is a part of the job to be able to process and handle it. Elaborate Roosevelt was once asked how she lived so long and her response was, when I was sad, I cried in the moment, when I was upset, I expressed it then, I didnt hold things in. I believe in expressing things in the moment and processing and making peace with them when they happen. Getting all these negative comments was worth my interaction I had with this 9 year old girl Nina. Her mom Krystal chimed in and said shes really glad her daughter didnt see how people missed the point of the post. Attacking me for being there is also an attack on them. Its sad when something really good happens that others just want to pick it apart and not take in the good that was shared. That is life though. A great thing in life could happen but it comes at the cost of enduring something negative and we all have to hold true to our convictions even when we are attacked or experience obstacles. When I drove to ship my car in California a bird hit my window in Wyoming and died. It felt horrible and I regretted being there. Had I not gone that bird wouldve lived and I had to live with that. I know in my heart what my project and facebook page are about. Ive stayed true to my mission for 8 years and will continue to. For anyone who needs a reminder, Fagbug is meant to bring awareness about homophobia to the general public and to have dialogue with people of opposing views. When I first started this, I had a MySpace blog I started to keep track of all the interactions and experiences. I did this because I was able to keep track of interviews I did because honestly it was too much to remember from memory. I filmed another documentary and didnt label my tapes or have any method of organization and it took me 8 years to finish that one and almost a year to reorganize my footage because I didnt keep track in the moment. I learned my lesson and its helped me greatly. Fagbug was put together in 19 months and Fagbug Nation was put together in even less time. I never cared to have followers or complete strangers judging my every move. I did it for myself and my artistic practice and personal processes and Ive stayed true to those things despite criticism. In my second film, teens in Bakersfield, CA moon my car and Eric July from Texas wrote a Twitter comment about my car and wanting to bash my windows in. In both instances, I interviewed and spent time and became friends with Eric, who contributed music and keeps up with me on Facebook. I document these things because I believe there are life lessons in them. I am also vegetarian. I love animals and find the idea of killing them and eating them disgusting. That being said, I do not go around calling people names who eat meat. Its a personal choice that should be respected such as where you shop, who you love and where you work. In this debacle I also got an email stating Youve taken donations from people for 8 years. Youre a fraud. Go get a real job. I have a job, and Im very successful at what I do. Im not financially successful but I get by with the art i make and have creatively figured out how to book myself for 8 years. I do not survive off of donations or merchandise. I survive off doing about 100 speaking events a year, sacrificing time away from my family and friends being around people I dont know most of the time and being alone in my car more time thanIm not. I also do wedding videos, substitute teach, and teach a summer art camp and sell pallet furniture I build. That being said, when on the road, I meet a little girl once in awhile or boy who puts a smile on my face and I cherish that. It shows me I am in line with my mission and Im glad to see those moments be on paper and in actuality. Im also thankful for meeting new friends who make the criticism I receive well worth it. Thank you Jodi, linda, Matt, Paul, Gala, Elizabeth, Sharon, Jasmine, Nicholas, Brian, Noni, Elke, Wendy, Linda, Angie, Chuck, Michael, Bob, Caron, Deb, Alexanders, Rachel and Kathie for helping enrich and encourage me with my path. I also dont always wear my seatbelt, and I yell and scream sometimes and dont recycle when we have 10 feet of snow and as Ive said for 8 years I am a flawed person like everyone else. I wish everyone a happy and healthy new year and hope next time I post something about a very positive interaction I had that people who follow this page can take in the beauty of the good in which I share. I follow pages I like and enjoy seeing. I am who I am and nothings changed in 8 years. I will continue to be myself even if the more followers I get the more pressures there are to push me out of that. Just because you may have seen my film it gives you no right to project your anger, resentments, or expectations of who you think I should be. I am who I am and its clear many of you know nothing about me.
Posted on: Tue, 23 Dec 2014 14:58:19 +0000
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