Forgive the length of this post. I seldom post anything so personal, but today marks my 46th year and it has been a humdinger. I decided to be publicly self-reflective. Eek! Some women freak out about wrinkles and gray hair. I used to be one of those women. I am not one of those women anymore. Looking closely at my face, I see the lines around my eyes, across my forehead, and at the corners of my mouth. These lines are most apparent when I smile. Therefore, I don’t see them as signs of age, but evidence that I have smiled and laughed heartily a bunch. God gives us such joy! True, tears have come too. Not all days can be full of smiles and laughter. Anyone who knows me well, who knows my story, knows I have been knocked to the ground - hard - more than once. I lay there, no air in my lungs and solid, sharp pain in my soul, wondering if I’d ever be able to get up and smile again. Each time, My Father reached down and grabbed my hand and pulled me up. He dusted off my backside, wiped tears away, and said, “You’re okay, kid. Now, let me see that smile.” God showed me His love and gave me my smile back through His goodness and faithfulness. Those lines that were carved by grief revealed grace unparalleled - God’s grace! And gray hair? I gain more each year. But I like to think it’s not so much a sign of aging as a gaining of wisdom. Every worry and wish has become a gray hair that tells of a lesson learned about faith and the deep well of God’s goodness in all things. Whatever I wait for or worry about is nothing compared to God’s promise that is fulfilled. As the gray becomes more apparent, hopefully resting in Him will as well. No matter the wrinkles or the gray hair, one thing remains unshakeably true. God has a hope in me and for me that is relentless and determined. He has no less hope for you. Because He has and will continue to hope for me with such voracity, I refuse - absolutely refuse - to give up. On me. On life. On living. Wrinkling, graying, flawed, and frail, God sees me through Jesus as a perfect, beloved child of His. So, I won’t do anything less than live relentlessly pursuing this God who pursued me first. The very least any of us can do is live this life He has given, abandon the restraint of fear and self-doubt, clutch the Creator’s hand, and plunge ahead. For me, whether it is another 46 years or two or twenty, may all who know me see many more smile-wrinkles and lessons-learned gray hairs. I hope I see them on you too. Whew! That was long wasn’t it? KayDubya
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 04:22:08 +0000
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