Four listening behaviours Consider these four types of common listening behaviours: 1. Noise-in-the-attic listening. To project that we are good listeners, we might sit silently while others talk. Outwardly, we appear to be listening. Inwardly, however, we may be listening to the noise in the attic,disengaged from the speaker’s ideas and involved in our own mental processes. Such listening tends to develop from childhood experiences. As youngsters, we may have heard: “Don’t talk while I’m speaking!” “Don’t ask so many questions!” “Why? Because I said so!” Conditioned by these warnings, many of us turn off our minds and habits of inquiry. Instead of clarifying the speaker’s intent, we are preoccupied with our internalizations: “Who does she think she is?” or “I can do his job better than he can.” Or, we may find ourselves planning a trip, remembering a pleasant experience, or completing a thought—returning from time to time to listen to what is being said. Sound familiar? 2. Face-value listening. When think we are hearing facts, the words we are hearing are interpretations. In face value listening, the listener isn’t mentally checking back into the real world to assess whether the words explain what they purport to explain. Words are heard more for their literal meanings, not as tools for understanding. This explains why leaders, managers, and staff can differ dramatically in their perceptions. Children use face value listening, since their experiences are so limited. Our experiences should add depth to our listening. 3. Position listening. In business, people tend to engage in position listening when they seek clues to how their job performance is perceived. For example, a manager might listen to her president’s annual report to determine whether her division will be growing. What she hears in that talk could easily impact her performance as well as her relationships with co-workers. She will listen to immediate superiors to determine her role. Obviously, position listening can lead to faulty assumptions and destroy the morale of a high-performing team. 4. Listening to connect. How we listen impacts our performance and all we do. Listening is not an end in itself, but part of a dynamic process between people that creates space for growth and engagement, for sharing and discovering, and for enabling new ideas, thoughts, wisdom, and growth to emerge. Listening to connect quells our lower brain, which seeks to be right or judge others – and creates space for our spirit and energy to emerge. Listening to Connect is the most powerful framework of Conversational Intelligence. People thrive on connection and affirmation, not criticism and judgment. When we listen to connect we create a platform for peering into each other’s minds, and become the ‘mid-wives’ of our next-generation thinking, enabling us to set more helpful, meaningful, and productive objectives for the future. When we adopt the framework of listening to connect, we improve our ability to connect, navigate and grow with others. We make better friends, better parents, and better partners and in business we make better decisions and become better leaders for the present and the future.
Posted on: Sun, 02 Nov 2014 16:32:50 +0000
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