Friday July 11, 2014 Do you often want ‘to fix it?’ Me too. Who doesn’t? Some of it, you can; some of it you can’t: Fix, that is. No fix is possible if no effort is put forth. “We’ve had this terrible split in our family because of something that happened at Daddy’s funeral,” this woman said, “and none of us have tried to talk with one another about it. What do you think I should do?” she asked her pastor. ”I think you begin the phone calls this afternoon,” he said. She looked at her watch. “But it’s already late afternoon…” “Right,” the pastor interrupted gently, “so the sooner the better.” There are no ‘fixes’ without fixers. If by ‘fixing’ you mean taking action to mend someone else’s ways, or by getting them in shape (mentally, physically spiritually, politically, socially, etc.), then you might want to save your energy. Fixing means offering your love, your prayers, your experience and knowledge and genuine concern—it does not mean determining the lives of others. It’s an offer, a reaching out, a trying to, not a command of some kind. And fixing is hardest with those about whom you care the most. As a pastor and human being, there are people I’ve come to love and care deeply about across the years. From time to time, some situation or circumstance comes to pass and there’s a misunderstanding, or hurt, or strong disagreement. Left alone, it festers, and before too long, becomes extremely hard to repair. Deal with it, and it may not come out as you hoped, but in your heart, you know that you cared enough to try. In one of the churches I served while in seminary, the pastor (I was one ‘of the peasant staff’) and I disagreed. It happened this way: At a meeting of all the workers (34 of them), he announced that we would all have to change our calendars and days off because he had decided to have a missionary conference on (then he gave the dates of the conference). “I’ve already confirmed the speakers, set the program, now you all will need to put things together as necessary.” It was mighty quiet in that room for a minute or so. Then I said, “But Dr. Doe (not his name, of course), you remember that I had invited Dr. Elton Trueblood to do a series for the youth that week, and…) * “Then just make the necessary changes as quickly as possible,” he answered. “I will,” I said, “but sir, I don’t think this is going to be the best thing for a number of us who have already put programs into place as you suggested we do.” Dr. Doe was about to answer that when all, yes all of the rest of the staff agreed with me! It did look like a conspiracy on our part, I guess, except that not a single one of us knew about these changes until we walked into that room. Personal consequences followed including my not being recommended for (required) fieldwork completion by that pastor. I was graduated anyway due to some unsolicited letters received by the school related to the quality of my work there. (Thank God, again and again for grace in writing or any other form!) It took me twenty years to finally make the call to see if this could be resolved: That is—feelings between Dr. Doe and myself. When I phoned, I actually thought that he would be long dead, but he answered firmly on the first ring of the phone in the town where he lived! When he realized who was calling he said, “Boy! It’s good to hear from you after all these years” I did my asking for forgiveness, and he said, “Honest to God, son, I don’t remember a thing about that.” I guess he didn’t, but it was good to have reached out to make a ‘fix.’ He forgot it, and I was relieved to have dealt with it. These days and times confront us with serious differences of understanding, opinion, and conviction about many things. There will be ‘breaks’ in relationships because this is true. But as long as God gives me breath and energy, I will do all I can to see if there is a way to make peace and practice love in each of these. Sometimes reconciliation will happen. Sometimes it won’t. But if we don’t try, we can be sure, it won’t happen. I’ve said before that Jesus really messed me up. When asked how many times we should forgive and he said, “Seventy times seven,”(Matthew 18:22) I used to like to think he was only talking about forgiving. Now I’m convinced that he meant you have to keep on caring about and trying to make things better with everyone in every way you can. It’s not the ‘fixer in charge,’ but the servant spirit in genuine humility that might just pry things lose, warm up coldness, and lay a foundation for restoration. And so: To keep trying. Always love, always, Keith *Elton Trueblood, a well-known and much respected Quaker author and scholar who died in 1994.
Posted on: Fri, 11 Jul 2014 11:33:07 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015