Friends, as the third-year anniversary of The Twisted Sisterhood approaches, I am so pleased to report that it’s now available via a new Kindle version -- complete with new cover, tweaked title, and superfriendly pricing. The book is three years old now but its contents remain just as vital and fresh. The best part? Women around the world can now access it with a couple of clicks. A few thoughts as I look back: The feedback I’ve received on TTS has been beyond gratifying -- Im humbled to have received literally thousands of emails and letters from women who say it’s prompted reflection about their behaviors and relationships, lent some comfort, and reinvigorated their desire to be more kind and inclusive within the gender -- and to raise their daughters to be the same. Not everyone agreed, of course, and I listened and learned from the criticism. I also learned a great deal through the process of publishing with a big house and dealing with big-time media. What a ride it’s been! As grateful as I am for those opportunities, though, I did find that my central message was at times lost or manipulated. Assumptions were made, often by bloggers or reviewers who admittedly didn’t read the book through but objected to the title, subject matter, or a particular chapter. The concern? That a book about female aggression would automatically reinforce cultural stereotypes or unfairly rail against women. (Ultimately the precise opposite, I promise.) The writer who reviewed TTS for The New York Times, meanwhile, enjoyed my chapters on mothering but then deigned to assert that negativity among females ends by 5th grade so whats the beef? -- essentially nullifying and shaming the voices of 3000 women in my survey and all the other girls and women out there who havent dreamt up their struggles in the workplace, at school, online, in academia, or in social and mothering contexts. That kind of dismissiveness saddened me -- those of us who have confronted these issues deserve more respect and validation from those who haven’t. Bottom line, as everyone from Phyllis Chesler to Rosalind Wiseman to Anne-Marie Slaughter knows: writing about womens issues is an inherently emotional and controversial undertaking. Our mileage varies, we have different levels of resilience, and many of us have understandably intense, but at times woefully fixed, perspectives. This doesnt mean we should refrain from exploring, discussing, and acknowledging our intra-female conflicts -- we just need to proceed delicately. My goal in writing TTS was always basic: to raise awareness about girls and womens struggles within the gender by illustrating the actual effects of our unpleasant tendencies and to inspire folks to behave with a more mindful civility. To cut out the gratuitous crap, in other words, you know, those bits of negativity that females do have the power to control notwithstanding the historical, cultural, or patriarchal forces that rage against us out there in the world. Though the media wasnt always helpful in keeping it real -- they love to find a catfight in anything and render it light comedic entertainment -- I never meant to let men off the hook by focusing on women in TTS. Heck no. Or deny that females are too often pushed into corners and still lack equality. Or suggest that we all have hideous, catfight-laden backstories. I love hearing from women who have bypassed these issues in life, believe me. But make no mistake: TTS is no beach read. Its a serious book with some icky details we don’t like to acknowledge because, as I have learned from so many girls and women and mothers, there’s too much hidden hardship out there. I want to continue enlightening and triggering candid discussions, not dictate Hallmark truths or self-help tips (though I do offer some). What I am most proud of with TTS, though, is that it’s the first book that pulled together and showcased the vast global research (along with anecdotal findings) confirming the insidious, long-term effects of bullying and related interpersonal aggression. Im no scientist but that contribution often got lost in the mix just as bullying was becoming a major issue of concern in American. So check it out. If you appreciated Odd Girl Out and Queen Bees and Wannabes as much as I did, you might agree that illustrating the actual fallout from our shenanigans is the logical next step in the analysis -- and thats TTS. I still believe that if people realized how their everyday behaviors can and often do impact others, they would feel less inclined to engage in gratuitous ugliness and more compelled to actively nurture kindness in their children. Why? Because the gratuitous mean stuff only inhibits others ascent and ability to thrive in life and, in the case of girls and women, only helps hold back the gender as a whole. How demoralizing and wasteful. Females have enough burdens and obstacles in our lives -- why make it worse by beating on each other unnecessarily? Heres to hoping for a more mindful civility, among girls, among women, among all human beings, male and female. Kelly Valen October, 2013 Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 16:00:54 +0000
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