From 2002 -- all in a weekend with my sister Dawna, and Mom shown in one of the pics -- in San Jose, CA. Today is the eighth anniversary of Dawnas death. Dawna died after taking her life - a life turned into torture, in her mind. She was diagnosed in her late teens with Schizophrenia and Bipolar. And was never the same again really. During her sane moments she realized the pain she caused to my Mom, Larry and family and friends. During her crazy moments she was nearly impossible - simply put. This weekend (of the pics) was just prior to her 18th birthday, which would mark her release from a halfway house after a crime spree left her serving time for more than a year. She was unbelievably well that weekend. She was living life well and dealing with life on her own terms. She was also taking her medications and understood the value of life. It was a joyous weekend. Her life after turning 18 gradually fell apart with the freedom to choose. Her choices were not wise and definitely heavily influenced by her mental disease. She chose to do things that made no sense. I cant even relate the scope of this .. but it seemed every week was an adventure in her life. Im not sure how Mom coped. Dawnas childhood was by all accounts was privileged. She was in the gifted program in Las Cruces schools. She did extraordinary things, was extremely smart, talented musician, vocalist and her future was the brightest to most that knew her. I was 20 years her senior (her dad was my step-dad) and babysat for her and was mostly and father figure in her life and really the dad of her best friend, my daughter Dolli. But I witnessed her life firsthand until they moved to California in 1997, when she was 13. And I visioned her life with great pride and hope. She gradually had a decline in performance in school and her life decisions that at the time seemed normal for a younger teen. But later we learned her mental disease had taken hold as her paranoia grew out of control, among other symptoms. Later, in late 2005, during a visit to Las Cruces with Mom and Larry, she went on a then-typical paranoia-laden evening which ended with her jumping from an I-25 overpass in the middle of the night with hope of dying. She lived .. I found her moments after with broken legs on the freeway. We had been trying to find her after she threatened suicide and ran off. She was in the hospital in El Paso for 4 weeks after surgery to repair her broken mess of legs. I went to the hospital every day after work and on the weekends, Mom was there too. I tried my hardest to love her, counsel her, and get her to grip some nugget of life that made it worth living. There wasnt much to her clarity at that time. They eventually flew back to California to normal life. Which was far from normal, believe me. In June 2006, she was getting worse with her paranoia and her behavior in public was getting outlandish. She was arrested in put in lock down for mental evaluation. And my Mom, realizing the desperate seriousness of the situation, had called all family to come in for an intervention. At that time we had suspected her drug use, and along with the mental illness it made for a toxic combo. We all flew in from around the country and did the intervention. It really didnt work. Dawna felt pity for us not understanding her life, but went along with the charade. It did afford the three siblings, Dawna, Patty and I to be together for the first (and last) time. We ate at In-N-Out, and were silly as siblings can be. It was fun for a day, putting aside the reason we were there. I recall leaving that weekend praying for Dawna and hoping her life was better on track. It did seem the next month or so that things improved. My Mom reported Dawna as being calm and clear in her actions. But we did piece together later that her actions were planning her demise. She had clear vision of ending her life. And so it happened, September 12, 2006. I will not discuss the nature of her act - but I can never forget it either. Dawna is in heaven with Mom now .. I believe that firmly. Her suicide made the exception list of entrance-to-heaven criteria, given her mental disease and tortured life. She knew and realized her condition in her sane moments, and the impact she had on those that loved her. RIP my beloved sister.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Sep 2014 18:12:05 +0000
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