From Codependent: As I began to grow and change I began to recognize the people around me who were not interested in growing and changing themselves. Some were threaten by the changes I was making in my life and threw up obstacles at every opportunity. There were others who were just plain uncomfortable with the changes going on in me. It was interesting to me that the people who cheered me on were people who were comfortable in their own skin. Being able to recognize the difference between people who are involved in their growth and maturity and those who aren’t has, many times, given me the wisdom to know the difference in what I could change and what I could not. People who are threaten and uninvolved in character growth and maturity seemed detached from their own motives in why they did hurtful things, or why they are detached from their feelings, or why they have walls up around themselves. I could talk until I was blue in the face and they would never hear the words because they are still living in denial about their own personal pain - and they have no desire to explore that option. To confront them about my problem with them is a waste of time. Once I got that - once that truly sank in - I could walk away from the notion, that talking things over with them was going to make a difference. So many times in my life, I felt that if I could just make them understand how they hurt me they would see the light, they would be sorry that they had hurt me and do everything in their power to make things right. Boy was I naive! People who are not in touch with their own feelings are certainly not going to be in touch with mine. After I came to this conclusion I had to make a decision how I wanted to proceed in my relationship with them. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time I proceeded with caution. Just because I chose not to confront them, did not mean that I was going to be a doormat. When I reach this conclusion the first thing I do is make a conscious decision to NOT take personal any thing they said or did. Because now I understood that their meanness was not about me. No No No - Broken people were not going to be my yard stick for measurement. The second thing I do is minimize my exposure to them. I do not share my hopes and dreams with them. I do not share my confidences with them. Just because I am married to them, was born into a family with them, or work with them 10 hours a day does not mean that I expose my inner feelings with them if they are not trustworthy. I try not to put myself in situations with them that will have a negative impact on me and my life. I keep our relationship very vanilla. The third thing I do for them is to pray for them. A lot! Especially when I am with them and being exposed to their toxic behavior. Every time I am with them I am silently asking God to heal their hurt and give them peace. Doing this has helped to give me an outward appearance of grace and control and over time that outward appearance becomes and inward reality.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 18:06:54 +0000
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