From My Heart To Yours: Episode IV The Crossroads This will be a more abstract experience to explain in words but will do my best to arrive at an understandable explanation. The core of this experience happened in about ten minutes inside of a 17ft tandem axle covered trailer in April of 2014. This experience had a series of events that led up to it such as emails with old friends, purging of thoughts, honesty, and conviction. It took about a month for me to entirely process and assimilate what actually happened in those ten minutes. I will start with a series of emails between a Brother in Christ and me. This is contexts needed to understand what led to this latest experience. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me: Hey brother ...I need some help...I need to bounce some things off of you and get a fresh perspective on my spiritual state of affairs... It will take me a bit to actually place my thoughts into words but defiantly need some fellowship.... A Brother in Christ: Whenever youre ready... Me: What I really need is some intelligent conversation with someone far removed from the darkness I find myself in at the moment. I need a more positive thought process than my own to try and jumpstart my spirit so to speak. I realized two nights ago that I really had to think hard to come up with something positive to say to a friend who is going through it right now and trying to turn his life around. It really made me think, what state of affair is my spirit is in. Im not tormented by any means. Nor am I unhappy. I find joy in a lot of things through the day. I laugh, enjoy most of life, and even cry during a good ol tear jerker. So my heart isn’t completely waxed over but outside of my own heart I see very little, if any, good in the world any more. I have been fixated on the darkness for so long it’s all I see. I do love God; stay mad at him most of the time, out of my own selfishness and foolish pride of course. Blame Him for a lot of things that are of no fault but my own. There is a lot of anger and hate that has never been placed and just sits on my heart like a mid-evil gargoyle guarding the castle gate. Im afraid I may have inadvertently given my friend some of my bad JooJoo. Either way I felt the desire to help my friend during this brief window of opportunity and see if I can get it to stick because the desire to help someone find Salvation is fire that will never go out. Then I realized how long I had let myself go without a tune up. I have got to get my spirit out of the gutter if Im going to be anything remotely positive for my friend or anyone else for that matter. Now in my walk I always kept a spiritual eye postured looking for the devils snares.... I got pretty good at identifying and exercising any energies that sought to do harm to my family...me on the other hand was not as important to protect as the ones I love. I could deal with it. Stand on the front lines if an age old dance between good and evil....I’ve been looking for evil so long I have lost sight of anything good...I’m not saying it’s not there it’s just the darkness has seemed to have closed the flanks behind me and I may have walked into the biggest trap of all....a life separated from God! What bothers me the most is how wicked my mind has become but that for the most part I enjoy life... I enjoy being mean. I will leave with a lyric to the song I Am Loco, which is exactly how I feel --God please don’t take away from me the only !@#$ing thing I’ve learned to believe. I feel like a monster, you promised to keep him away, NOW I FEEL LIKE HES LIVING IN ME!!! It’s funny how your spirit can know something is wrong but it is not until you merge thought and emotion together to form communication that your mind picks up on what’s happening. If I had as much faith in God as I do in satan I would be getting somewhere!! Hell if I had half as much....how did I get here brother?? A Brother in Christ: The same way we all do. We look at the world or ourselves and just dont see how God could let this go on. It took a loooooooong time for me to realize two things: 1) God told us this would happen and 2) looking to Jesus is the only way to maintain hope. What I mean by looking to Jesus is seeing Him in His perfection, realizing that that perfection was the original intent of man, and thanking Him that thats what He adds to my life. More to come... Me: I was convinced I was on the righteous side of hell!!! If that makes sense?? In attempting to expose the Devil in truth have I planted seeds that bare the fruits of death? Is this what I have done.... Did I deceive myself in this way?? Is it possible that a man that has communed with such evil and learned its wicked ways in such an efficient manner to be able to use their same tactics in malicious intent that his mind can be poisoned to the point beyond repair at least the flesh mind? That until the day of physical death and the cleansing of the soul with Gods fire through Christ will struggle a greater fight within to bring his thoughts into line with Jesus A Brother in Christ: I dont believe so. The point of salvation is the BEGINNING of the transformation into the image of Christ. What must follow is the renewal of the mind (Roman 12:2). As you absorb Gods thoughts from His word, the mind begins to catch up with what was begun in the spirit. The result is a demonstration in the flesh of the transformative power of God. No amount of spiritual transfer can take the place of setting your mind to the Word, my brother. Me: It’s my own arrogance that leads me astray!! no lying spirit....it’s my own arrogance telling me I can think my way out of this .... No matter how many times I fall face first in the mud ... It’s always arrogance. Why did we stop evolving spiritually as a culture? It’s like John’s revelation was the end of progress. Dont misunderstand me; the Holy Bible is a divine work. A grouping of words arranged with Gods infinite wisdom so that when read, inspire love and understanding to those receptive to it, written in such a way that understanding can be received by all levels of intellect. But once salvation is received are we to stop looking to the stars and ponder the things of God. How many times do you think Abraham looked into the Heavens and received revelation that he struggled to place into words. Why are we supposed to accept the Bible and walk in Faith? Has there been no more anointed words sent from Heaven in the last 2000years. As knowledge increases and science gives us the answers to the cosmos has there been no one to expand on the debate of Creation. That when God said let there be light and for the first time the light met the dark in the void that the two opposite forces created a thunder clap of unimaginable power and energy, an explosion on an infinite scale, the big bang. When God created the heavens and earth he defined the laws of gravity and attraction causing the matter created by the introduction of light to coalesce into bodies creating stars and planets in a perfect and balanced dance only possible through intelligent design. It must be that when He spoke vegetation and beast of the earth into existence that the creation process took millions of years to evolve not by natural selection but by intelligent design. Arent we in our seeking of Gods face supposed to grow spiritually in our attempt to understand and commune with our Creator....? Is there no place for the Gospel of Andy or the Gospel of (My Brother in Christ’s Name). Are the insights God shares with us of no use to anyone else... Or are we supposed to share those gifts in hopes that just one soul of like mind would see the light and free that soul to start his/her own journey into salvation through Christ and communion with God... He said old men will dream and young men will prophesy....when can we break down the stigmata that man has infused into the world’s religions and truly set people free? From the religious leaders of the time of Christ to the Spanish inquisition and the Salem which trails this world has snuffed out any new ideas...there were beautiful people that were in tune with nature and understood the balance and were burned at the steak by evil men in the name of God. Destroying everything they do not understand. Even in today’s world anyone that has new ideas or expansions on spiritual enlightenment they are labeled as a cult and brought down by force and 2000yrs of diseased programming ...who is the advocate to point out the iniquities in the body Christ...the shadows in the corners. To stand up and say this is wrong and does not glorify God. The fears of men drive them do destroy everything in the pursuit evil...Jesus tells us that the weeds have to grow with the wheat.... Any attempt to destroy the weed runs the risk of destroying the wheat...take my own flesh for example...I despise it. It stinks. It is expensive to fuel... Its byproduct is vile and toxic...reproduction is even a nasty process. It is fragile covered in bacteria susceptible to disease. Everything about it is contrary to God and His Spirit living inside me, a meat sack that binds me to this planet and its atmosphere. However it is a fundamental part in my creation and existence and has to be overcome to grow spiritually. But to destroy it before the proper time of harvest is counterproductive. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After reading the emails over and also knowing my current position in life and knowing that the general direction I was heading would only lead to death, destruction, and pain not only for myself but the ones I love, I went before Christ in a reverent and panicked state of concern. Stay tuned for the next installment “The Intervention”. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 00:03:33 +0000
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