From a member: Good evening my brothers, sisters, family members and loved ones. I thank each and every one of you for being here because, well, because I need you. This week is the anniversary of a military event from my past that changed my world forever. It also changed everyone that I came into contact with since. Due to this event happening, a chain reaction that ran out of control took or otherwise destroyed everything good in my life until recent. Here I am, a salty dog with war in my head and life on my brain. I miss the past for many unknown reasons. One is known to me. It is because I lost me in the whirlwind and gravity of deadly intent, group dynamics, and survival of the fittest. In other words, I feel as if I left my soul thousands of miles away. This saddens me to such an extent that I often question my own validity, my own sights, my smells, my hearing, my tastes, and interpretations of all things empirical. As I type this message, I feel that I am miles away, back in uniform, a noncom with fear in his gut and lives in his hands. Today, I remember the avoided. I recall the names and ranks of my guys lost accompanied by the sounds of taps, gun salutes, and the sights of flags delivered to somber loved ones. And I find myself asking why. Why, God...why not me. No one was there when my boots hit the ground lighter than my body because my mind was frozen in time. These good men had families. Lives. Laughter. I had nothing. So today I remind myself to breathe after waking from nightmares so real that I was crying out to my missing dog in the absence of faces I cannot remember. The truth is, I must live. I must love. I must bring my damned mind home in homage to those lost but not forgotten. I must cry for them, and I must celebrate my ability to deliver tears for those whose ducts dried up long ago. I will NOT go back. Hell is for the other side of my soul. This side, well, it is an honor to love, live, and breathe while my countrymen are gone. It is my duty to laugh. It is my strength to give sweet surrender to young Petty Officer Brown, and to bring Jay home. Just for today, I choose to feel, to remember, to hope, and to be loved. For I am a United States Sailor, and I live my life with honor, courage, and commitment in the pursuit of excellence for those whom are forever to live on in my dreams and my awakenings. God bless all of you, and thanks for hearing me out...
Posted on: Sat, 18 Jan 2014 15:00:00 +0000
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