From a member, My mother in law hasnt really been approving of our marriage, My hubby on the other hand believed his moms opinion should not bother me coz he loves me and he will do everything in his power to protect me. I entered into this marriage hoping that shell realize with time that Im the right woman for her son. Its been over 3 years now and I dont think shell ever approve. Rather lately I see her despising her son too coz hes always supporting me even as she does/say a lot of things to potray me as a bad person e.g at some point she visited my mom and learned some of my familys weaknesses,she was so happy to share all those with my hubby to prove to him that Im from a bad family. She does everything to prove that Im not the right partner for him, digs about my past and informs him, she sets me up on some things so that she potrays to the family how bad a person I am, e.g recently there was a function at her house of which she never told me about and I heard from my hubby when I called to inquire she said its not necessary that I come to help she has everything under control. But on the function day she was telling everybody broken heartedly how she could not complete all the things she had wished to do coz she was all alone as her daughters were away and people would stare at me with an eye that says what about you! Some years back I was graduating I told her I wanted to host a party from my house coz thats where my people will be free to attend but she insisted that it be made at her house, I declined the offer as my friends and family would not be able to attend if I held my party in the village that means I would be celebrating my graduations party with in-laws and their friends and neighbours only who hardly knew me as I had just married her son. Despite all that trust me she went on to prepare for a party at her house *I guess she said I was crazy, that shell convince my husband to make me celebrate at her house anyway; she brewed traditional beer and invited her friends, while on the other side I was preparing for a party at my house and she knew very well about it. This put my hubby in a very tight position as he didnt want to dissappoint either of us let alone his mum as he believed she was starting to show appreciation to me as her daughter in law **which we had long been hoping for** so as we were celebrating at my house her friends were celebrating back in the village and everybody there has since been convinced that Im a bad child I dont value my mother in law. I now get nervous whenever I have to visit my hubbys family coz all I see is hatred and despise in the people there, but my hubby believes I should go on to ignore them and act a good daughter in law that eventually they will see my worth. When he tries to intervene his mom hates him too and turns all other family members against him, I wish we could get a platform to iron things out with my mother in law but I cant confront her coz I realized that whatever I say even if its just airing my views with no bad intentions she twists it to convince the family how disrespectful I am and they all believe her coz she is the eldest in the family, I tend to think they fear her somehow coz even when she talks ill of us (my hubby and I) none of them confronts us to hear our side they just turn away from us like that!!! This frustrates my hubby so much I think hes also came to terms with that well never get a platform to say to anybody *even his father* our mother is actually the one on the wrong, he attempted it not so long ago but no one wanted to hear it, rather to them it seemed to prove how much more disrespectful he has become towards his mom. I dont want him to loose his family coz he values them so much, I realized that at this recent family function they took family photos with brothers sister,aunts and uncles and nephews only my child and I were left out. My hubby was also part of the group but I guess he decided to keep quiet about us coz each time he takes my side they exclude him from family issues. He only came after they took those pics to ask if I would want us to have pictures of the two of us and I said no we have a camera @ home we can always take pictures, I guess it was a guilt concience he was trying to make me feel better for having been excluded when his family was celebrating together and to say I still care about you. This made me realize that he is tired of fighting his family because of me, and I think I should start working on my issues with his mom by myself. I guess sister in law told her that I expressed dissatisfaction for having been excluded when they were taking family pics for she wrote me a very proud sms to say sorry the shooting wasnt planned but I dont understand how they could have all been conscious of it as a family if a family photo wasnt planned. I guess she laughed her ribs out to hear that I was hurt for not having been invited to a family photo shoot, but I wasnt really hurt by the fact that I didnt feature in their photo but because I realize that she has finally managed to convince everybody that Im not part of them *well if nobody found it worthy for my son and I to be part of the shoot it means they have finally accepted that Im not part of the family***! I feel like she has opened a platform for me to tell her how I feel with this sms. I want to respond and tell her its not about photos but her attitude towards me, and that as much as it seems she awaits our divorse with hope its not going to happen and she could do her son favour by accepting that Im part of the family and Im here to stay, that if she continues rejecting me she places him in the centre and its shattering him. I dont want to do what Ill regret later, please women of God what would you advise me to do? Ladies, what advise can you offer her?
Posted on: Wed, 23 Oct 2013 11:29:07 +0000
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