From my colleague, Gail Guttman, LCSW, Psychotherapist - some great words of advice - A couple of years ago, I went to a wedding shower, where women gave advice to the bride-to-be. As a therapist for more than 30 years, I am always interested in this activity in case I hear new information. At the shower, several women (in their 30’s) were offering this advice: “It is okay to go to bed mad.” I had always heard the opposite. As I began to think about this, I thought about how true this is. Each day we are worn down by the stresses of life. Our ability to engage with our partners in conflict becomes compromised. Then, I started thinking about what we are learning about the brain. Our prefrontal cortex (our thinking brain which helps us to pause before acting) is not available to us after 9 PM!! No wonder arguments escalate and we say things we don’t mean. We are operating out of our amygdala (the part of our brain which perceives danger and acts before thinking.) So, in the future, instead of trying to resolve a conflict after 9 PM, put it on the back burner. Give each other a hug and calm your nervous system. I promise you things will look better in the morning. Also, you won’t wish you had a vacuum cleaner for your words, as you will not have said such hurtful things to your partner.
Posted on: Wed, 04 Jun 2014 10:27:39 +0000
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