From the archives: WELCOME TO MY HOUSE Just last week I had a house warming party. This was to celebrate my historical milestone of moving from Kariobangi to Pipeline. Not that Kariobangi was bad FYI. I left Kariobangi because of Sheila, my new neighbor. This gir had bad motives. She used to hang her pants in front of my door. When she saw I was not complaining she started hanging them on my window pane and on the door itself. Being the gentleman I am and in the spirit of good neighborhood, I let her be. All was well until my Mom came from the village impromptu. “Kumbe umenza biashara ya kuhawk suruali za wamama no wonder hauna pesa, hii Nairobi yote haungepata kazi ingne ya heshima?” She asked, or rather mocked, as soon as I arrived. I could have told her I don’t hawk under wares but then realized that the cursed job was better actually than telling her I don’t work but I tarmac. No sooner had she left than I decided to move to a leafier suburb, Pipeline was my dream destination. I don’t like calling myself poor; but rather an upcoming millionaire. Although the upcoming bit seems to be taking forever, I still have a dream. A dream that one day I will own at least a bed, a sofa set and a TV. The largest electronic device in my house is a mobile charger and the largest metallic object in my house is a spoon. It would have been a plate but I prefer plastic plates and cups for obvious reasons. I call my room multipurpose because the room changes its service according to the time of the day. At night it becomes the bedroom, it’s the bathroom when I wake up, becomes kitchen at times, a club when friends visit and also a store. A jacket which I inherited from my cousin is the most valuable possession I have. It serves me as a pillow, an extra blanket during cold seasons and it’s my towel. Beside the door I have placed one big glass- coca cola bottle. It serves two purposes, as a water dispenser and as a security weapon. You must have realized that I am a kind of a genius. I ensure that every item I have serves at least 3 purposes. Even the big yellow bucket I have is divided into several compartments, the lower cubicle storing shoes, the middle partition is spared for old newspapers and the bucket top serves as a coffee table when closed. The room had rats before I came. The previous tenant told me about them. After one week of starvation, they must have noticed that the house is now under a new management-a tenant who never eats, they have all vacated. An ignorant person may gauge my wealth based on the few items I have in my house. That is stupid because I am relatively wealthy. Instead of wasting my money buying useless things like radios and woofers, I will invest ‘heavily’ in Nairobi Security Exchange. Right now the only thing I am thinking about is becoming a millionaire. Eating, dressing, housing and entertainment can wait. To any other aspiring and upcoming millionaire, you can come for me for some tips. Till then, meet me at the millionaires club. A B.M.W residence
Posted on: Tue, 28 Oct 2014 17:19:08 +0000
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