Funny the things that cross your mind when youre alone, really alone, well, with the exception of the boys! I sometimes think back, wondering what would have happened to George had I been the one to go first. I always worried about that. I am sure he would have wound up in a home somewhere, because of his condition. I guess God was watching out for him by taking him first. I also evaluate how I cared for him, did I do enough, was there more I could have done? I know I could have told him how much I loved him, how blessed I thought our life was, thanked him more for being the person he was. Its not that I didnt tell him these things, its that his memory was so bad that I should have told him more often, then reality kicks in, would it have made a difference, maybe not to him, but certainly to me. I remember when we used to talk about retirement, how we wanted to travel, visit family, see places, but there was always something more pressing eating away at finances, stripping us of time, changing our plans. Alzheimers sufferers do not fair well with change, so traveling, even overnight wasnt an option the last few years. We soon realized that our golden years had tarnished a little, maybe even a lot. I am so glad I was able to stand by him when he needed me most, glad that my health and stamina allowed me to do it. There were those who suggested I put him in a home so I could have some relief...... not even for a day, not even for a day.... I would have been there for him forever! Loving and missing him more every day.
Posted on: Sun, 17 Aug 2014 00:19:48 +0000