GOLOLA VERSUS JACK BAUER & T-BAG’S! GOLOLA: Jack and T-Bag, the fans of 24 and Prison Break think that you are big, but finally you meet someone bigger! I am sure you heard of a boy called Tugume whom I killed and ‘buried’ in the very coffin he had bought himself! T-BAG: Meeehn! You don’t wanna joke with a resilient goon who survived the hellish prison in Parnama. I don’t fear no body; not even Kakoza Mutale. So who is Golola? BAUER: I am the only man that all US presidents, from David Palmer to James Heller, call ‘immediately’ whenever they run out of options. By the way, why do you call yourself ‘Moses Golola of Uganda’? GOLOLA: Because I am the only Ugandan who can pocket while naked. Bauer, you are not joking with amateurs like Charles Logan here; you are playing with Golola, the man who kicked River Nile out of Uganda, the man who takes breakfast of cement, adding iron bars as accompaniment! T-Bag, what brings you to Uganda? T-BAG: World of Inspiration - Uganda invited me to give you tips that will help every Ugandan break the prisons enchaining their work, talents, businesses, finances, prosperity... I inspired Scofield, Mahone, Lincoln, Berick, Sarah and Sucre to break free from the captivity of negativity, which I hear is echaining many Ugandans who say: “Tusaba Gavumenti Etutambe – TGE). Golola, do you know Scofield? GOLOLA: Of course! How can I not know him when I know Christopher Columbus? Do you know that I met and joked with Christopher Columbus, John Speke, Vascodagama and James Grant? Are you aware that I registered my Warid Simcard in 1902? BAUER: Stop cracking my ribs or else I will do to you what I did to Margot Al Haraz. Remember how Habib Marwan preferred to fall off the building and splash out his brain than face my wrath? In fact I came to Uganda to reduce your high population. You understand that the only reason the Chinese kept me alive was so that I could bring down their exploding population. I am the leading cause of death amongst Middle Eastern men. GOLOLA: The reason our population is skyrocketting is that I make women pregnant by merely looking at them! I hope you didn’t come with your sister coz nine months later she would deliver black twins! T-BAG: Guys, stop your jokes and we get to business. I came to share with Ugandans a new roadmap to success. My friend Scofield inscribed a map on his own body to show us the whole plan of how we were going to break from prison and where we were heading. Bauer do you have a business plan? BAUER: I just need to call Chloe Obrian and the schematics will be right on my PDA. Golola, do you have a PDA? GOLOLA: Does a man who is stronger than Badanga of Singapore need a PDA? I am a guy who enters an internet caffe all computers go: “Found a new Device!”? You better shoot ’24’ Season 10 in Uganda and feature me. I’ll tear those terrorists apart and scatter their pieces, some in Rwanda and the others in Congo. I am such a bad man that I even fear myself. You can read badness on my fingerprints. BAUER: Damn it! Shut up or else I will take those fingers. You know I don’t take fingerprints; I take fingers. GOLOLA: And why should I shut up, Jack? BAUER: First, because you have no option and secondly because I don’t attempt murder; I commit it. T-BAG: I insist, guys, stop that crazy talk. Let me tell you about interesting figures that I’ve met here in Kampala – Kahinda Otafire, Jeniffer Musisi, Ken Lukyamuzi the man, Betty Nambozo, Ottunu, Seya, and of course that Lord Mayor who speaks English with tough words that sound like ingnicto defacto. I have heard that there is a census and National ID registration going on. GOLOLA: True! But all those exercises are going to be put on a halt on 1st October, 5:30pm to 8:30pm, because only one thing will be happening in the country – AUTHORS’ FORUM – THE GATHERING OF 400 ENTERPRISING MINDS! And since the theme is ‘VALUE ADDITION’, people will love to see the three of us because we have surely maximised our value. BAUER: I am going to ensure that CTU puts up perimeter walls that close all roads and panyas except those leading to the National Theatre for this MAGOGOMUS inspirational event organized by WORLD OF INSPIRATION. I am also going to ask Mark Zuckerberg to install a Firewall (sorry, Bauerwall) on Facebook so that no one will access it at the time for the event – everyone has to concentrate on the #AuthorsForum. GOLOLA: I would wish to let every Ugandan know that I will be there and will feature in a Celeb Interview hosted by Pablo Yagayo and Simon Kasyate! I will tell you how I rose from nowhere and placed myself on the global table of success. You donnno!!! BAKE: Then I woke up…. Damn it! It was a dream! On a serious note, it is true; Moses Golola of Uganda is our celeb guest of the month and the inspirational speaker is Prof. Florence Muranga. There will also be a live band, sizzling poetry, humor, mind-boggling competitions, launch of a great book b Victoria Abigail. Call 0704666851 / 0774107287 and secure your entry ticket at 40,000 UGX only. © CREATED BY ROBERT BAKE TUMUHAISE
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 13:14:15 +0000