[Girls School] Cant tell anyone in real life, so Im sharing it here. Sometimes I sit in the classroom, and wonder how people would act if they knew what I do at night. It all started when I had a tumblr account in April 2014. I was randomly browsing and I searched the hashtag depressed, and I could never pull myself out of depression blogs. I started following similar pages on Instagram too, and now I have over 700 depression images in my phone. When Im feeling down (usually at midnight), I unlock my phone, scroll through those pictures and cry. I get pain in my palms often, so I scratch my arms and thighs to get rid of that pain. I know its not healthy, I know its not good for me, but these posts and self-harm are where I find comfort, where I feel safe because it cant get any worse. Im afraid to be happy because I know someday, it will all fall apart. I shut people out because I know they must be thinking Im ugly. I dont make new friends because I know theyll leave anyway. Sometimes the thought of staying ugly forever really scares me a lot. And that Im single and is likely to remain that forever. I dont want to die alone, but I cant open up to people. I dont even try anymore. I eat and stopped dieting, I sleep to forget things, but Im barely living, Im just surviving. This is just a little portion of the many thoughts I have at night. If you think this is too depressing and attention-seeking, its totally fine because thats why I dont tell anybody about it anymore. But if you wish to talk to me, leave a comment and Ill add you with my other account. Thanks for reading. PS. Apologies for my crappy English.
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 11:27:00 +0000
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