God’s description of a woman of virtue…. “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her” (Pro 31:28). Continued… Yesterday I wrote so much about the first half of this verse that I didn’t have space for the second half….. So here it is: “…her husband also, and he praises her.” Who wouldn’t bless and praise a wife like this? This guy knew he had a good thing. Proverbs 18:22 says “Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord.” Since the fall of Adam and Eve there’s been a huge strain on the marriage. It is part of the curse… Woman often desires to lead and dominate over the man and the man in turn often wants to suppress the woman. We can all relate to this even if we aren’t married. Just look around. It is true that women don’t like to follow or submit as God would have them. And men don’t rule in wisdom and love as God would have them. The man blames the woman… “If she’d only be the wife she’s supposed to be….I might love her better.” and the woman blames the man, “If I could trust his leadership and if he cared … I’d follow.” They both have a good point. It truly IS easier to lead a woman that will actually follow with a loving supportive attitude. It truly IS easier to follow a man that sincerely tries to do right and shows you that he loves you. But…what’s wrong with this picture? It focuses on the man and woman instead of God. Ephesians 5:33 unveils a great mystery and gives us answers to a good husband wife relationship …. today. Speaking to the husband first, the Holy Spirit instructed Paul to write…“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Notice anything here? He gives them each a different command to make the same marriage work. He tells the husband to love his wife. He tells the wife to reverence her husband. Why not tell them both to love and reverence each other? Why the differentiation? Because God knows best what each of us want and need. We are made differently. Our internal makeup isn’t the same. Women feel an insatiable desire to be loved. They want to be made of, valued, adored, and protected. They want to be scooped up by a handsome prince and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. But men have a ravenous yearning to be respected. They want to be their wife’s hero, to be valued as a strong and mighty provider. Men want to be the prince that heroically scoops her up and rides gallantly into the sunset making her feel happily ever after. Both of us want that ‘I’m irreplaceable’ feeling in our marriage: yet in different ways. Men don’t care if you ever give them roses or frilly cards for Valentine’s Day. If you asked a man if he’d rather be ‘made of’ in lovey gooey ways or looked at with respect and admiration, he would choose the respect every time. Don’t get me wrong, men appreciate love too …. but it isn’t their main desire. Women want respect too but they prefer to be loved and coddled. We love it when our man thinks to buy us a new bracelet especially when he chooses it on his own. When we show it off to our girl friends it isn’t the bracelet that makes us the envy of the group…it’s that ‘he thought of you on his own.’ Oh how romantic is that! One problem in marriage that stems from this is that we both go after what WE want. Men focus on being respected. Women focus on being loved. When we reach out to our mates we meet them on our terms with our love language instead of theirs. Men don’t naturally know what women want. You have to make them a list (colors, sizes, store names included…if not just go with them to pick it out.) Women try hard to show their husbands love. We do those special romantic things that yes, they do enjoy, but that are actually what would make us happy. If our focus was on showing respect to our husbands we would make for a happier home. If the husband would focus on showing us that he loves us it would make for a happier home. Guess what happens? Men feel “what’s the use showing love to her when she doesn’t even respect me?” Women feel “How can I show him respect when he doesn’t deserve it and when he doesn‘t even make me feel loved?” Quite a problem we have here isn’t it? The problem has two names… ‘selfishness’ and ‘faithlessness’. (Note…I’m dropping the man’s part here…if I were a man, speaking to men I would address their part but I want to center on us women.) God never said, “IF your husband earns your respect then see that you reverence him.” I agree it is hard to respect someone that doesn’t feel worthy of your respect. But if you think about it we are called to do this with others too. We are called to respect their position not their sins or wrong beliefs. We are to honor our President and other leaders. Do we always agree with them? No. Children are commanded to honor and respect their parents… are we always worthy of respect? Of course not. You might say, “Well, my husband isn’t even saved.” That doesn’t let you off either. God didn’t say, “IF your husband is saved & earns your respect…” He said, “…the wife see that she reverence her husband.” This woman was fulfilling to her husband; she was virtuous with her job, in her home, with the servants, with the poor and needy, with her in laws, with her children, and with her husband… in every way ladies. She put her husband first and strove to bless his life. What a blessed man… no wonder he could sing her praises! Love the one you’re with. Make the very BEST of the marriage relationship that you have. No one has it perfectly… don’t wait for him to change… YOU be that virtuous woman for the Lord. A self sacrificial life hurts.. but it is right and rewarding.
Posted on: Tue, 20 Aug 2013 11:02:18 +0000
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