Going to the bank, be back shortly. Cool. How are these the last words? I guess before we come into existence, we might well know the terms. At some point, generally before we are in our teenage years, we understand that life comes with a price. It is not permanent. We will eventually make our exit, and some will expect it, many others will not. We dont want our departure to come with great sadness, and it is not our own sadness that accompanies us, but the sadness of those who remain in this world. We remain with the knowledge and experience of those close to us who pass on. The rest of us are forced to find a way to continue each day in the face of the mortality that burdens us all. Matthew, you made a grizzled old man cry today. A man who has surpassed the biblical, 3 score and ten, who lived through a dreadful war, watching young men die by the dozens. This old man yelled at you over the phone a few months ago because you were a day late on your rent. He called me yesterday around 4pm because the police called him regarding an accident, and I assume they found your id and address which led them to him, attempting to find family contact info. This old man called me because he is also my landlord and I gave him the glowing reference that helped you move in because I said, and you most certainly are a good man to make a great tenant. After we hung up, Jared and I tried calling your phone and we heard the ringing from your desk. Then we heard Teg on the phone with the police from the office next door. And here we are, 24 hours later. When I told Lee this afternoon that you had passed on from this world, he wept and cursed. At first he called me a liar and I wish I was. I hated the truth I was telling. We all wept and cursed when the terrible words were expressed to us. 36 hours ago, we were having the most asinine and absurd conversations. We were not discussing the fragility of life, nor the proximity of death. It gives me comfort to imagine that while riding your bike you were thinking about the tedious work tasks that you had to do before you left work, and how you were looking forward to watching Captured by Robots that night. And in an instant you were in slumber, without fear or dread, simply in a peaceful state of consciousness. And today, you immediately knew the answers that mortal beings have questioned for 100,000 years. You knew what existed and what did not, beyond the understanding of living beings. You knew the thoughts you had pondered with friends in the midst of frivolous, drunken conversations where everyone jabbered and babbled their best and primitive theories. But now those questions are not mysteries to you. In your generosity as a human, you would happily share with all of us, all the knowledge of the universe, existence and eternity. This is the person that you are. But you have drifted just out of our reach. And now we have grief. We have memories of good times, which are plentiful. Would it be better for you to live as an old man? To grow into 5 or 7 more decades and see the world change? Your body falter? Your brains melt into mush? Or is it better to be instantaneously deceased, at the peak of your physical health, with joyous and optimistic thoughts? The timeline on your lifes graph ends and its highest point, not to decline and fade into the the inevitable. For your friends who remain, selfishly we say yes. We would like you to follow on the lengthy path, for many more years of ups and downs, right along with us. We do not want you to be removed from this world in the blink of an eye. We like you in this world, and you make it more fun and interesting. But this is not an option we get to choose, just like it was not the option for you. So where do we go from here? I expect we will see your desk on Monday morning. We will see the helpful post it notes, affixed in easily readable places. We will see emails in our inboxes about RMAs and Liferay uploads, and other elements that seem so foreign and unrelatable right now. And laughter in the office will not come easily. Smiles will be a struggle. I really have no way to imagine how it will be on Monday morning as it is so unfathomable right now. As your chair sits empty, there will be a fleeting thought that you are running late, only to be followed by the reality. You will never again be walking through that door, nor any other in this world. You are not that last person to die Matthew Dierker. There are at least 7 billion more who are guaranteed to follow. A good many of them are your friends and loved ones. Some of us will be there in a very short while, others will be very old men and women. Keep a light on for us. We will miss you, and thank your for brightening our world.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Nov 2014 01:12:57 +0000
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