Good Friday evening and here is the news from BFN *AA & RAC CAUGHT UNAWARES AT TRAFFIC *Both motoring organisations admit to being caught out by amount of traffic on roads “My name is Stan Worth and I am a member of the AA” Slurred an AA spokesman “we’ve never seen anything like this on the roads. We’ve no idea what caused it. There have been suggestions that it could be due to a combination of a late Easter, a long bank holiday weekend and gloriously warm weather, but it’s really too early to comment. We also noticed that major roads to the seaside and amusement parks were also chocabloc with long tail backs and sluggish traffic. Meanwhile, the RAC is warning people not to travel unless it is absolutely necessary. “it’s one of our standard cliché statements” said a spokesman “despite being a motorist organisation, we like to advise our members not to travel.” TRADITIONAL GOOD FRIDAY NEWS * Unequipped English tourists rescued from ledge in Snowdonia. “how they managed to climb that high in pink fluffy slippers, but more importantly ‘why’ is anybody’s guess” said mountain rescue leader Jones the Crampon. * Domestic row spills on to street after children find and eat the Easter Eggs that were hidden in the sideboard. * Stock footage of people queuing at ice cream van on beach broadcast on all news channels. “these images actually date back to 1989, but nobody seems to have noticed yet” explained a Sky News presenter. *caravan causes ten mile tailback as elderly couple stop for picnic on inside lane of dual carriageway. * Pope expected to remind people of the true reason behind Easter “it’s not about Malteser bunnies or these uber-modern easter trees with dreadful ornaments that the middle classes seem to favour. We need to get back to the traditional values of Easter: The Easter bunny, little fluffy chicks, Black Magic Easter Eggs for mums, McIntosh Toffee eggs from grandparents and gorging on hot cross buns.” SAINT DAVID OF ETON *In his Easter speech, David Cameron announces plans to return to Biblical ideals. “In those days, wrong doers were crucified. The crucifixion of people who claim benefits is an option I am seriously considering. It would also help them lose weight, and lets me brutally frank here, most people on benefits are clinically obese, and there is no better way of losing weight than lugging a cross strapped to your back around town. It’s a win-win winner for everyone” LOCAL NEWS *local woman in Llandudno cautioned for indecent behaviour after rubbing herself up in public. “In my defence, my booby rash was so unbearable that I lost control of my senses and relieved the itching on the pebbledashing on the wall of Wetherspoons” said Ceri Massive Fergusson. And that was the Good Friday news from Brutally Frank. My name is Timothy Shouldbenailedtoacross. Goodnight
Posted on: Fri, 18 Apr 2014 18:38:56 +0000
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