Good Morning, He asked me to marry him! And Ive got to say I never thought I would hear those words again. Not just because of my age, but I did think that made me a liability, bad huh?And because he has been married to me before, and said he would Never marry again. And I believed him. Though I knew we were working on us; I never thought of Us as a goal. More of a way to not be alone. Even as I write this I see my self-esteem really has been hemorrhaging. And sadly, for no other reason except since I have had my diagnosis of Bipolar 1 with psychotic features, I have thought of myself a defective. I am around hundreds of people weekly with mental health issues and very few of them are married; and of those, the marriages began before the onset of symptoms. I never knew why that was true, but my assumptions, much to my dismay was: Who in their right mind would want that responsibility? We are too unpredictable. So, though I am happy to have been asked, I a sad at my own prejudice, one I wasnt even conscious of. I apologize to myself and everyone with a seemingly insurmountable challenge. And I am grateful to God (whoever that is) that I was wrong. I have learned a lot about mental illness in the past almost seven years, but have failed the most important test; to believe in my own ability to contribute to anothers life, and to believe I could ever have a normal life again. I would say shame on me, but I dont believe in shame :-). So, live and learn, right? Weve got this folks! We heal. Be Well
Posted on: Sun, 24 Nov 2013 10:23:08 +0000
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