Good afternoon troops. As some of you may be aware, Im currently locked in mortal combat with the network EE, This has been raging on for days and doesnt show any signs of slowing up anytime soon. EE, however do not seem all to interested in helping me at all, so I posted a comment on their wall on thursday, at the time of writing 87 people have liked it so far. On friday I posted a new one on their wall that was deleted on saturday morning, after a semi apology in the first post, i put it up again and it was taken down on saturday night. (possibly because i tweeted Kevin Bacon to help me...that may have been a mistake) I got a fair few messages from folk saying they were hooked on the story and gutted they didnt get to read part 2 So, im going to post it here for all to read while i write a blog of everything that has happened. They cant take it down if its not theirs to control. So, ladies and Gentleman, Part 2 of the Battle For EE, (or as i like to call it, the Lord of the Ring-Ring.) No need to apologise for accidently deleting this first time round, I’m sure it wasn’t done on purpose. Lucky I started to save everything I was doing with you guys, read below to find out why I need to do this now…. PART 1: https://facebook/ee/posts/757513350990531 Phil’s EE Adventure Part II: This Time its Personal! (But then so was the last time….) (We find our hero fresh from a new battle with the Galactic Overlord that is EE, he is weary from battle. His head is sore from repeatedly banging it against the wall and his voice is horse from talking to the same inanimate object that bested his head.) As the sun rose on day 5 of Operation Desert Phone, I awoke with a sense of optimism, 12 hours before I had written to my network pleading with them to release to me my phone that was being kept behind enemy lines against its will, a political prisoner that got caught up in a fight that was not its own. Surely someone had heard my cries and was ready to jump into action like Ronald Reagan telling Gorbachev to tear down the wall. I grabbed my trusty iPhone 5 that had served me well for the last 25 months but was now starting to hold some ill will towards me due to my plan to toss it by the wayside like a tissue during Flu season. I scrolled though my Facebook notifications, blocking a few requests from games and mentally reminding myself to unfriend that guy who was mean to me in high school. My post on your wall had gotten the attention of nearly 50 well-wishers, all eager to see how you would handle this situation and show the world that when the chips are down, EE are like the marines and will never leave a man behind. Safe in the knowledge it was being taken care of like a Mafia snitch, I skipped out the door and on my way to work listening to One Direction who I have inexplicably developed a taste for. (Harry is my #fave He’s soooooo dreamy! ^_^) After a usual day spent in the salt mines, I arrived back at my humble abode to a package from EE. Finally it seemed like I was getting somewhere with this whole farce and we could put this nonsense behind us and I could take down my post from last night. This is the package: i.imgur/kh5UhQX.jpg The small white envelope to the left, I deduced like Holmes after a lobotomy, was supposed to safely transport back to your loving bosom, there was only one small problem… i.imgur/y0RCIDN.jpg I decided to put on my thinking cap: i.imgur/w15mNtI.jpg and really get to the bottom of this mystery. A closer inspection of the documentation included confirmed to me that it was not, in fact, a TARDIS, but was actually the package to send my poor workhorse of an iPhone 5 off for a recycle. I instantly felt bad of what fate I had forced upon it. We hugged for a minute, I cried a bit, it played a chime that indicated that the 60th person had liked my previous post to yourselves. But this still meant that the package to return “Goldie” back to you was somewhere in the either, possibly rubbing shoulders with Lord Lucan. Another call to your customer service department meant I missed most of the ‘Hungry Hungry Homer’ episode of The Simpsons on channel 4 while, again, listening to One Direction. (maybe I’m more of a Zach kind of guy?) I finally spoke to a new guy called Aiden. Aiden was a nice enough sort, he reminded me of an old Vietnam vet, the kind of guy you see in films sat in a wheel chair wearing a faded green army jacket with an American flag bandana covering a small part of his long ragged hair. I like him already as he too had seen the brutal side of the world and you would never understand, I mean, how could you, YOU WEREN’T THERE MAN, YOU WEREN’T THERE! After I told him of the epic tale the likes of which have not been committed to print since William Shakespeare decided to jot down a few thoughts, he had a look though my account. He could confirm to me that I had ordered a new phone on the Saturday, and that I spoke to London guy yesterday but all trace and reference of Irish chap was not to be seen at all. No notes, no nothing! I began to question the very reality in which I lived, had I dreamt Tuesday? Was there even an Irish guy? Who was I? After what seemed like a year, (my sense of time had been thrown into question, you understand) of being curled up in the fetal position and screaming for my mum to hug me, Aiden finally talked me off the ledge, but I was ready to get right back on it moments later…. To his credit, Aiden tried to break the news as delicately as possible. For a start, no return had been processed at all, that bag I was waiting for would arrive around about the same time as that rocking horse poop I had ordered from eBay, not only that, I would need to wait a full week after you received the phone back for you to reverse my account back to Orange so I could upgrade again so that it would take me back onto EE. After a long pause and a stiff drink I asked him to explain the reasoning behind this, he gave a sound which can only be described as the audio version of shrugging your shoulders and saying “Hell if I know!” (To recap, for those playing at home: Wrong phone colour sent, to get the right phone COLOUR I need to send the wrong phone back, wait for them to reverse my contact back to how it once was (which takes a week….but it took a day to upgrade???) and then, AND ONLY THEN, would I be granted the honour of being allowed to upgrade again.) Aiden asked what the loud banging was in the background, I assured him it was nothing to worry about and I was just banging my head against a brick wall. He was concerned I would hurt myself but I assured him it was the least painful part of my day thus far, but thanked him for his concern. Once my vison returned to normal and the room stopped spinning I told him to just get the ball rolling on this so I could finally get on with my life and see if I’d suffered any form of irreparable brain damage from my attempt to fuse my head to the wall. He put me on hold while I was transferred to returns. (guess what song I listened to while I waited! 1D4EVA!) Then came Chris. Chris was a soft spoken sort of gent, with the kind of calm voice you want your airline pilot to have as he informs you the plane is hurtling towards the ground and the chances of survival are akin to that of a snowman having a great week on his holiday in Hell. Chris was the kind of the returns department, efficient and commanding, he confirmed my address (in case I had moved since I’d started the conversation with Aiden) and assured me the jiffy bag would be with me by Monday. I thanked him for his time and hung up, promptly dealing 999 and booking my place in Aintree trust hospital, which I’m told do wonders with head injuries here in the North West. As I sat rubbing the ever growing lump on my head, I received a text from T-Mobile saying they were sorry to hear I had decided to cancel my contract with them. I assumed the brain injury was causing me to hallucinate, but the paramedic assured me I had read it right and the company I was not with, yet was also with at the same time, (it’s like Schrodinger’s Network) as EE controlled both, had text me to apologise, I tried to fathom this but my brain hurt and the doctor upped my Morphine, suddenly the world was a happy place to be. I was snapped back to reality by this: i.imgur/5LSmcvT.jpg I need to lie down. Small update: I woke up this morning with a headache combination of self-inflicted head injuries and a night in the pub trying to make sense of this week and wondering if it was all my fault and I really shouldn’t be asking for the moon on a stick with sparkles. My poor, poor iPhone 5 wished me top o’ the mornin’, I responded with “and the rest of the day to yourself!” (Which is the correct response, dontcha know?) I gazed upon his LCD screen to see this: i.imgur/pzu4w3T.jpg I was stunned, shocked, I was now 100% convinced that I had figured out a way to bend time to my will, as I knew that yesterday, hell I knew that on Thursday when I spoke to London guy. I also discovered that this post was gone. Lucky I saved it on my computer as this time dilation is messing with my head and I’m starting to forget. I’ve save it again in case you hit the wrong button. …Again.
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 15:03:16 +0000
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