Good evening and here is the news from BFN *”The Queen purrs whenever I speak to her” says David Cameron “she particularly looks forward to my weekly audience with her in Buckingham Palace as she’s not really allowed to sit on the furniture but I turn a blind eye” *”The Queen always used to hiss and spit whenever I met her” says former PM and successful Middle East peace envoy, Tony Blair “at the height of my war in Iraq she wouldn’t even come out from under the chez longue during our audiences and would just sit there growling. She was even worse with Cherie though, and when the scratches turned sceptic I stopped Cherie from going” Royal Visit *Unveiling of commemorative plaque in new train station delayed as Queen plays with the curtain tassel for several minutes before being distracted by a fly. *Planting of tree by Queen in hospital garden also delayed as Queen finds her way into next doors, digs a hole in the rose bed, does one’s business, buries ones twos and rolls about in something dead. *School children present the Queen with gifts including a stuffed mouse, a ball with a bell in it, and a ball of wool. Royal Warrants *Several new Royal warrants have been issued by the Queen. “By appointment to Her Majesty the Queen” will now appear on tubs of Sheba tender pieces, Friskie fish treats, Pounce, Spot on flea repellent and Drontal worming tablets. Cat Flap *Prince Philip is said to be delighted with the new two way flaps that have been installed in Buckingham Palace that allows the Queen to come and go as she pleases. “I’ve heard about big flaps, but to be brutally frank, it’s the first time I’ve seen one this size. Lizzie seems to like it despite getting a bit agitated yesterday when her flap got entangled with her legs.” E-BAY *Bids for royal furball hit 6 figures LOCAL NEWS *pensioner released with a caution after spraying Queen with Pet-Off during visit to nursing home. And that was the news from Brutally Frank. My name is Timothy Splayedcrotch. Goodnight
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 19:10:40 +0000
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