Got Milk? Here is a recent photo of my two nephews Noah (left), a.k.a. Zippy, and Josh (right), a.k.a. “Bugsy” Costello, a.k.a. “Mad Dog” Gambino, a.k.a. “The Weasel” Escabar, a.k.a. “Tommy Gun” Rosenstein, a.k.a. “Whitey” Smith. This was the last picture taken before their mysterious disappearance last week. Authorities speculate there is some evidence in this photo they may have been the latest unwitting victims of a treacherous cow cult growing exponentially along the east coast. Both have had some experience with the seedy underbelly of the cow world, unofficially known as The Pasture. Noah, a noted carnival celebrity in his own right, is a master cow tamer. Josh, on the other hand, while assuming the identity of a timid file clerk, but suspected of having ties with the Mafia, has been caught on tape time and again extorting milk money from schoolchildren of all ages. He is also believed to be the kingpin responsible in a scam involving changing the expiration dates on dairy products and redistributing them at a fraction of the wholesale price to retailers. These direct links are what is believed to be the triggers which effectively coerced them into joining this sinister cult known only as BOSSY (Brotherhood of Seriously Stinky Yahoos). There have been some unsubstantiated reports of Noah and Josh frequenting various airport lobbies and bus terminals as recruiting agents for more followers, distributing fliers and other literature for BOSSY. If you have any information as to the whereabouts of either of these boys DO NOT approach them. I repeat, DO NOT approach them! They were unstable to begin with and now, donned in full bovine regalia, it is uncertain what they are capable of. Instead, please notify the local authorities so they can be safely apprehended and properly deprogrammed. Thank you.
Posted on: Sat, 12 Jul 2014 17:50:28 +0000
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