Government investment in the art such as music, and theatre is a waste of money. Government should invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? These days, many governments spend a large part of their budgets not only on public services but also the arts. Although public services are critical to every person, I disagree that governments should not invest money on the arts due to 1 their advantages. . 1, What is THEIR? Anyway the correct pronoun is its not their (arts) How far do you agree (fully,partially,somewhat or so on) +It is important that governments invest a significant amount of money on public services. These are hospitals, roads, schools and public housings, and they determine the quality of lives. For example, all Australian governments have reduced public hospital budgets and this has resulted in increased waiting lists for surgery and emergency treatments and this will eventually lead to a decline in health. Therefore, governments should make public services a top priority as they are critical to public 2wellbeing. 2, well-being +Topic sentence is missing ( should govt invest on public services instead of investing it on arts?) Irrelevant example. Apparently the paragraph is error free but it does not make sense. If we need more hospitals or doctors, it does not mean we need to take money from arts. If you argue that no money for health and therefore, governments need to use the available funds on health or etc.. It makes sense. I think you failed to understand the meaning of the question. Lets analyse: 1, spending money of arts is a waste of money but it should be spent on health or so on. Did you respond to the question FULLY? YOU ignored the first part and the given example is invalid. However, it does not mean that the arts should be completely neglected . The arts have an important impact on local economies as they attract tourists, create jobs, and retain local businesses. For instance, visitors come to see music festivals or exhibitions, buy their tickets for entrance, have meals in local restaurants and stay in local hotels. Further advantage is that visual arts such as paintings and sculptures revitalize cities that are generally full of grey buildings and make cities better places to live. Considering the benefits of 4 the arts, it is beneficial for government to invest money on 5the arts. + Again incorrect topic sentence . It should be :---> However, spending funds for arts is beneficial because..... In conclusion, I certainly believe that spending money on the arts is not waste of money because the arts create local economic benefits and improved environment to live. Therefore, a balance should be achieved to ensure public services are well maintained and the arts remain available. The conclusion is not correct as you need to do a concession. Task = 6/7 ( Irrelevant example in the body-1) Coherence = your main weakness. The order should be : supporting side for spending money on arts as the Body-1 Supporting side for spending money is not useful but it should be spent on public services Conclusion: Partially agree with arts Coherence : 6 ( no clear topic sentences) You also need to learn standard essay formats. Grammar = 9 Vocabulary=8/9 6+6+8/9+8/9 overall: 7.0-7.5 Lessons: 1, essay formats 2, how far do you agree? Lost score in Task Response 3, How to write topic sentence Perhaps, this essay has been checked by someone else but it does not meet the IELTS requirements/criteria. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? As the importance of foreign languages is growing dramatically, the number of primary schools teaching second languages are increasing rapidly. My opinion is that this trend has more benefits than drawbacks. Learning 1at a foreign language at an early age can 2cause 3several 4concerns. The main issue is that it has a negative effect on developing their native language. As many pupils from 3years one to three do not even have enough understanding of their mother tongue, they may get confused when learning other languages and have difficulty to learn their own language. Another concern is a lack of motivation to learn a new language. Unlike teenagers, younger children are motivated by their parents and not their own will, so they may find it hard to be interested in learning. 1, omit AT 2,3,4 at an early age has some impacts (too many errors) 5,one to three years (word order) However, I would argue that disadvantages of this trend is outweighed by its advantages. The great advantage of this trend is that there is 6 strong likelihood to acquire native-like fluency. It is commonly known that children’s natural ability to acquire new languages is much better than teenagers because their brains, ears and speech muscles are flexible. It has been showing that students who began a foreign language in primary school reached a slightly higher level of proficiency in reading, writing, and speaking compare to those who started in middle school. Compared to students who wait until high school to learn a foreign language, earlier starters are more likely to reach an intermediate level of communication. Again misleading topic sentence are you really outweighing there? You are writing advantages so write however, there are also some advantages. Write your opinion in the conclusion. I wonder if you learnt this from SIMON. He teaches only up to a 7 band level to be honest. 6, a strong likelihood ( countable noun) In conclusion, although early language education have disadvantages, children can be bilingual when they start learning language at their early age. Therefore, it is advisable for primary schools to teach a foreign language. You should write I believe or in my opinion than writing absolute statements although early language education have disadvantages, children can be bilingual when they start learning language at their early age. Therefore, it is advisable for primary schools to teach a foreign language like this. Again you have some issues with TR and CC GR= 8/7 Vocab= 8 Task = 5/6 coherence=6 Overall = 6.5to 7.0 Do you wanna know why? The order should be: Body-1 --> advantages ad1 and ad 2 Body2 -disadvantages disad1 and disad 2 Conclusion: ads outweigh disads You did not have 2 ads and therefore, partially answered the question ( 5 band in Task response-- check the criteria public descriptor --> ielts.org/pdf/uobds_writingt2.pdf). I will explain the details in the first class. This is to let you know about your current status.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Dec 2014 08:07:25 +0000
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