Grace Notes: Yes? No? Maybe? Finding Freedom From Gut-Wrenching Indecisions Oooh boy, when it comes to making decisions, sometimes it produces a lot of stress inside. What should I do?! Which should I pick?! What if I regret it?! This past week Ive talked with not one, not two, not three, but FOUR wonderful inquirers on this topic of making a decision.... ....and how much it hurts. The pressure, the worry, the fear. Inquirers I spoke with either had a decision they just made that was painful, or an impending deadline with a big decision looming, or the hand-wringing decision where the list of pros and cons seems about the same, so you cant decide. But before I say more about inquiry and decisions....some of you have asked about upcoming teleclasses. Ill be offering my powerful 8 week Relationship Hell to Heaven teleclass starting Monday, Sept. 22 at 9-10:30 am Pacific time. Any relationship will work as your starting point. Anyone youve argued with or felt disturbed by. We start from the beginning to look deeply at that person, those conditions, those situations...and understand what really bothers us, whats true and whats false. More on this later, but if you want to register, you can click the button at the end of the email. If you have questions, hit reply and Ill answer. So back to the decision drawing board.... ....Ha ha, isnt what I just did just like making decisions sometimes? You start contemplating a problem, a dilemma, or a choice, and you begin to sort out a few ideas about each. You research and collect some information. Youve got an idea in mind, why youre even thinking about all this in the first place. And then, you switch the subject. Whatevah, I cant make a decision right now...Ill wait and see. It doesnt come easily. Your mind gets tired. You ask your friends and family to all listen to your dilemma and put in a vote. A friend once told me about how she had so much trouble making decisions at one point in her life, that if she was presented with two options for events in one night, shed get sick to her stomach. She would start driving to one, change her mind and turn the car around to head to the other, then turn the car around again to head back to the first. She wanted to be in both places at once. This might seem minor, but the anxiety can be monumental. The first thing to do is to see what your mind is telling you about this decision. It may not be very friendly. If I dont say yes, Ill miss a huge opportunity If I dont say yes, Ill have nothing If I dont choose the right thing, something terrible will happen I have to make the right decision Its possible to make the wrong decision I could ruin my life or someone elses life if I make this decision What I say no to, I will lose forever The dilemmas I heard about this week were big. Whether or not to have a baby, deciding between two schools for a child, what to do with a beloved pet, whether or not to enroll in a program. I just about exploded my own head with important decisions: what to major in at school, should I go to graduate school, should I get married, buy that house or this house, offer this program, quit my part time job, get a job over there, homeschool my kids... I think I drove my friends seriously crazy with that decision about homeschooling kids! (More on that one in a past Grace Note). So lets look at these core thoughts about decisions, and what the REAL fear is. Is it true that you have to say yes, or lose something? Are you sure YOU *have* to make the right decision? Are you positive that if it goes bad later on, it will be because of YOUR decision? Are you sure you couldnt handle a little disappointment, or new information, down the line in the future? Well....no. Since you put it that way. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. Or next week. Or after I decide. Life will carry on, until it doesnt. How do you react when you think youre in charge? When you think its all on you, your the one who has to make it happen? When your actions have to be right, not wrong, and your future MUST be favorable? Yikes! So much banking on this future, so much fear of feeling bad later on and trying to avoid feeling bad or feeling regret or feeling like I lost something! Who would you be without that belief, if you couldnt think the thoughts that you need to make the right choice, it HAS to be good, you cant make a mistake, you might hurt someone or yourself, you have to be very careful? Woah. Ha ha. Not so serious. You can sit there and think, Oh, I need to do something with my stocks, and then you can inquire. Is It True? No, I cant really know that.....So you just let the process have you. You just sit there with what your passion is, and read, and watch the Internet and let it educate you. And the decision will come from that, at the perfect time. Its a beautiful thing. Youll lose money because of that decision, or youll make money. As it should be. But when you think youre supposed to do something with your stocks and imagine that youre the doer, thats pure delusion. Just follow your passion. Do what you love, inquire, and have a happy life while youre doing it. ~ Byron Katie Turning the thoughts around: If I say yes, Ill miss a huge opportunity....if I say yes OR no, Ill always have opportunity, as long as Im alive If I say yes, Ill have nothing....I love nothing, space, emptiness There is no right or wrong thing, and something wonderful will happen....it always does I do not have to make the right decision...there is no right or wrong decision, I can work with whatever happens Its impossible to make the wrong decision I could save, create, build, expand my life or someone elses life if I make this decision What I say no to, I will gain forever Couldnt these thoughts be just as true, or truer about making decisions? And I love what one fabulous inquirer found just yesterday in playing with the turnarounds all the way: A right decision has to un-make me. Giggling! So true! All my effort, anxiety, pushing, poking, weighing-in, analyzing.... ....all of it assisting the un-doing of me as the boss of the future, when it comes to decisions. In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added. In the practice of the Tao, every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It cant be gained by interfering. ~ Tao Te Ching #48 And heres the link if you want to sign up for Relationship Hell to Heaven, 8 weeks of doing The Work on People. Freedom! Click here to read all about it, and register. Much Love, Grace workwithgrace/work-with-grace/teleclasses-to-change/turning-relationship-hell-to-heaven/
Posted on: Fri, 05 Sep 2014 13:00:01 +0000