Great Commandment: Love Identifies Needs Andy was big, burly, and mean, kind of like an NFL linebacker — except Andy didnt play football. He was just a very big, very angry forty-year-old man. Though he was a Christian, Andy had a history of violence that often got him into big trouble. In the past, when he flew into one of his frequent rages, Andy was likely to throw furniture across the room, drive his fist through a wall, or punch somebodys lights out. A dozen years prior to his visit with me, he had spent time in jail for physically abusing his wife and kids. This man had been like a hand grenade with the pin pulled, ready to go off at the slightest provocation. During another time of marital separation caused by Andys violent anger, his pastor and church elders had confronted Andys sinful behavior. Church discipline in accordance with Matthew 18:15-20 was initiated. Even though Andy was beginning to respond to the Lords discipline, his wife and the church leadership felt that still more help was needed. Clint, Andys pastor, called me. David, Im at the end of my wits with Andy. We have prayed together on numerous occasions about his anger. I sense his genuine desire to change and find freedom. He has made much progress, but both he and I are fearful of the future. I have counseled him from Scripture, and he is involved in a mens accountability group. But I still sense a reservoir of rage just below the surface. Nothing seems to help. Im afraid that one of these days soon Andy might hurt someone again. Will you please talk to him? I said I would if Clint came along. He agreed. When the two men walked in, Andy was noticeably irritated because Clint had insisted that he come. I sat down with this six-foot three-inch, 230-pound stick of dynamite and began to talk. Andy, your pastor has filled me in on your background, and I have read about some of the things you have done. I rejoice with you in your recent confessions and appreciate your desire to find freedom from your anger. But I want to tell you something else I know about you. I know that underneath the anger and violence and rage that have ruled your life for so many years, you are really hurting. Andys face softened, as if the anger was being drained from him. I continued, In fact, when I think about the magnitude of abuse that has poured out of your life, Im convinced that there is an enormous amount of pain and hurt and fear inside you. That pain has probably been festering there a long time. And you have been dealing with it all alone. When I said the word alone, tears came to Andys eyes. I said, You know the pain is in there, dont you, Andy? He nodded in agreement. —Great Commandment Principle
Posted on: Fri, 15 Nov 2013 00:10:17 +0000
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