Great thoughts from Heidi Pie (ZCC) I remember it like it was yesterday. I was about 4 or 5 years old. It was Christmas. My older sister gave me the gift she bought me at Santa’s Secret Shop at school. It was a Bugs Bunny figurine. You know, one of those ones that are bendy. I didnt like it. I have no idea why. I just remember that I didnt. And my reaction to the gift clearly portrayed those feelings because my sister went running away from our family gathering in tears. I hurt her. And the guilt of that instantly weighed on me and I remember vividly feeling guilt for the first time. No matter how much I apologized, I couldnt take back the hurt I caused. Ugh. My heart still breaks for her in that moment. Unfortunately, I didnt keep that sensitivity for guilt throughout my growing up years. I instead learned to cheat and lie and manipulate to avoid the feeling. I remember hearing celebrities in interviews spread a common theme of having no regrets in life. That sounded nice to me. My relationship with God was not any different. Until the age of 20 when I had a real encounter with the love of God, I was just a very religious girl who learned to say and do all the right things in all the right places. Nobody really knew who I was because I didn’t really know who I was. I responded to a lot of altar calls as a teenager and walked away feeling much better about myself, but with a completely unchanged heart; unchanged because I could not accept a Savior without first acknowledging my need for one. In James 4:9-10 it says, “Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor.” In 2004, after experiencing a personal tragedy in my life, I surrendered my heart to Jesus. For the first time I was changed. And my heart broke for everything that I had become. And I recognized that I had nothing good to offer the world apart from my Savior who finally found a place in my life. And the coolest thing about that moment was that I allowed myself to experience the guilt of all that living a life apart from God brings, and just after feeling wrecked, I felt completely whole. I felt instantly redeemed. Made new. Alive. Full of hope. Because of my past, I really value integrity. Being genuine and transparent. Allowing people to really know me. And being honest with myself about who I would be without the Spirit of God living in me. I certainly still mess up and at times find myself starting to build that wall of self-righteousness up between God and myself as I justify my sins. But then I think of Jesus and who He is and what He has done for me. Instantly guilt turns into humility, turns into honor which in turn leaves me giving glory to our great God. Ironically my life of no regrets has turned into a life full of regrets that have been redeemed by the Savior of the world and has left me overflowing with boldness and confidence. Perhaps this is what people mean when they say God works in mysterious ways! I pray that you too would experience the freedom that comes from laying it all down for the glory of God.
Posted on: Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:00:01 +0000
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