Greetings. I must share a burden upon my heart. Without going into detail Ive been struggling with a particular sin in my life. In and of itself that statement of fact is disengenuiness. You see we all struggle with sin everyday, even a little White lie is still a sin so when I state that Im struggling with a particular sin I dont mean to belittle the fact that for one its NOT the ONLY sin in my life and two I respect the fact that its what we do when we know we are in a specific battle against anything that is compromising our walk with GOD! So in that context (And after todays devotionals) I want to put at the very least the following out there = Without anymore detail than This sin is a major disruption in my walk with JESUS, it has me frustrated, it makes me feel like Im never going to overcome it and although I know Alone I cannot hope to overcome any sin I get to the point where Im angry at myself! Very upset that Im breaking my FATHERS heart and letting JESUS down. Ive seen miracles in my own walk with GOD. For instance a few years back a fellow Christian brother of mine (My best Earthly friend) stopped cursing. It was noticeable right away. With his example and his reasoning = (He felt GOD led him to clean his speech up) he prayed and thus he doesnt curse anymore. Its important to note he slips occasionally (Which holds great significance to these thoughts today) and so I prayed and miraculously (Yes, I do believe it to be a miracle) almost overnight I stopped using curse words. It seemed so easy, a little prayer, throw in some praise, shake and stir and wallah clean speech! Now as I stayed with my friend the same is true with me, do I slip occasionally absolutely, Ive hurt myself and In a reactionary sense a few Choice words have come out. However, as I look at this particular sin in my life there is no doubt at ALL that Ive prayed and prayed and prayed about it, Ive given it to the LORD time and again, Ive discussed it with my friends and have asked at least one to pray for me. Now I do not see the need to go into detail as Ive done so with The LORD and even with my Earthly friends as I see it, its important to be detailed when you are alone praying and confessing to the LORD. I ask myself, and GOD why cant it be just as miraculously easy as stopping with the foul language/speech? I get so frustrated because I know that in the very moment I could repent, turn away do what the HOLY SPIRIT, what The LORD, JESUS wants me to do. Then after when Ive failed him once again, I feel alone, shunned, guilty, bad, every negative emotion rolled into one. I know GOD has given us free will and at times I get so down on myself in this particular area of my walk with GOD that I wish he would just make it so I cant let him down in this area of my life. That may sound cynical but it is honesty! I know GOD wants me to overcome these demons in my life, I know he is the victory over sin and that he gained that victory at the ultimate price. He paid that price at Calvary. GOD The FATHER watched his own son being whipped, beaten, bloodied, his head pierced along with his hands and feet, his flesh torn, laid open with each lashing creating deep wounds that mustve resembled how a river erodes and cuts through dirt making canyons, visible for all of us to see. A supernatural man the real life superman, not calling upon his powers instead restraining from using them, allowing that mockery of a trial and that ensuing brutality to take place so that he could complete the second half of his charge to Seek (Which he had/has/and continues to do) and Save the lost. Then there is me knowing this, hearing his spirit moving thru me and although sometimes I repent, rack up days even months but in the end like today I dont obey the HOLY SPIRIT and his call to turn away (To repentance), then afterwords I visualize the serrated whip in my hands, my face, hair and body covered in the blood splatter of Our Savior! I envision running and trying to wash my hands to just get the blood off but no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I scrub and scrub and scrub the blood doesnt come off my hands! I know at least conceptually how Adam and Eve must have felt when they hid both their nakedness and themselves from GOD when he came walking in the Cool of the day in that garden of Eden. How he called out to his children and instead of joyfully running into their FATHERS arms he watched as they ran away in fear to hide from him. After Im this convicted, when Ive sinned with this sin that seems to have me in a huge spiritual battle Im taken to a place where my fertile imagination gives me these detailed pictures in my mind of what sin does to our LORD and further the fruits of which will come to bear sooner or later. All I do know is I feel like I have no right to even pray right after I Fall (As it were). I feel as though if I pray right away its like using JESUS as a vending machine or some other repository of grace because I know he is ABSOLUTELY NOT a repository of grace that we can just sin over and over, then just pray for forgiveness and thats how it works. I think there are not many Christians out there that believe the Christian experience works that way. I can tell you even as I struggle I know it doesnt work that way. The most obvious reason to back up why it doesnt work that way is Why would anyone strive to change their behavior repentance or Turning away from any given sin is one of the cornerstones of the Christians walk with JESUS! So I typically wait which may not necessarily be the right thing to do by the way. But I do usually wait, then when I do pray I find myself being very repetitive (Again may not be the right thing to do) in confessing my sin(s), the guilt is overwhelming and it doesnt end there. Typically I will find myself in prayer the next day or even days later re-confessing as if I need to make sure GOD knows how much guilt I have, then comes the frustration! Im frustrated mostly at myself! Why cant I overcome this? Why does this have such a tight grasp upon me? And being honest I get frustrated with GOD! Can you imagine that? The author and finisher of Our (My) faith, the same Superman that I mentioned earlier put his supernatural abilities on a shelf to endure brutality unseen ever before never to be seen/demonstrated in such a way again and he would have done if it had been just for me! And yet to be open, honest and clear I find myself thinking Why LORD? Why? Why cant you do more, why cant your change me so I dont have to succumb to the temptation of this sin? Luckily we have a very, very, very forgiving FATHER, who loves us so much that in addition to sacrificing his only son his son as an infinite Lover of mercy says FATHER, forgive them for they know not what they do (Or are doing). We are in a fight, a battle a war. Everyday, every night we are in fights, we are participants in the greatest battles that will ever be waged and it is most simply the REAL World War. It is a spiritual War that began with a revolt, a coup attempt in heaven then proceed with our original parents giving into temptation and we fight day and night. Some people believe and others do not but it doesnt take anyone to believe in something to make that particular thing(s) to be true and very real! So weather or not people are aware of it or acknowledge it we are in this war. I pray today first for all those who dont know you JESUS that the gospel will reach them and your power, your love of mercy, your gentleness, kindness and your LOVE would slice into their hearts so much so LORD that they are overcome by whats been missing in their lives all this time and LORD I pray for my friends and for even those I dont know all that well. That you will rekindle their Love for you, that you would never stop working thru whatever means you would will to win them over to make a decision to ask you into their hearts and start an amazing walk with them LORD. Lastly LORD I pray for myself. I know that you know what Im struggling with, you know that Im beyond frustrated with myself. Im angry LORD a and I dont like being angry, I dont like the guilt and the shame of letting you down. Help me LORD! Cut thru my many words, break my heart then repair it as only you can JESUS. I dont wasnt to fail you LORD. Knowing this I admit sometimes I try to do good works and think on some of them as though it feels like they may offset my failings when in truth LORD I know that good works should be the result of the joy that is you CHRIST JESUS in my heart. That doing good, Loving our neighbors as we would love or want to be loved ourselves is suppose to be a reflection of your examples throughout your walk as a man upon this earth. Please LORD, please JESUS I give you my struggle with this sin, I place it at the foot of the cross and I ask you please increase my strength, increase my wisdom, lead me away from these particular temptations that Ive succumbed to so many times? You have already gained the victory over every sin ever committed, youve taken sin as a whole and conquered it with the purity of the passion and mercy of your blood. Please JESUS, I know Ive asked before and I ask you once again to forgive me LORD? Cover me and my heart with your blood again! Help me to Die daily to this ever evil growing world, help me rise above it all, please give me the victory youve already claimed for me, for us on the cross. I need you LORD to reach out and shake the very foundations of my heart, my mind, my blood the very being of life within me when Im tempted in this way so that your victory would be manifested thru me so that I wont be frustrated or angry or feel guilty, lonely and afraid. I just want to please you and worship you LORD for you have given me more mercy than Ive ever deserved. There are people LORD who have to walk miles everyday for their daily water, and what little food they have. There are so many children who go hungry, are sick and will go to sleep in you JESUS without seeing more than a handful of years of life in this world and youve aloud me to want for nothing. Its these thoughts LORD that sober my mind, make me truly grateful for the privilege youve allowed me to live in so please LORD continue to remind me of this, give me a forgiving heart, a heart that loves mercy, a heart and love for soul winning and let the glory and the victory all go to you and let your will be done. I Love You LORD with all my heart, all my mind, all my strength and with all my soul and I ask and pray this in your HOLY NAME, In JESUS Name I Pray, AMEN! May GOD Bless You And Yours! Graciously, Stephen M. Naylor The 2nd.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 02:25:07 +0000
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