Grieving the loss of a loved one by Arianne Brown, ksl Contributor • Nov 03 - 7:33pm A A A (resize font) 4 Comments SALT LAKE CITY — This week marks the seven-year anniversary of my older sisters passing. And as I thought ahead to what I might write about, I had every intent of doing a column on ways to cope with the loss of a loved one. After all, it has been seven years; I should know what Im doing by now. However, as the anniversary of her death grew closer, I felt less and less confident in my ability to offer any advice on the subject. For reasons Im not quite sure of — whether it was that I had a baby or because a friend of mine recently lost his brother much the same way I lost my sister — I was a little more weepy than usual. As I thought about things a little more, I came to realize that you never really stop grieving the loss of a loved one. Whether its been a week, a year or 50 years, you will always grieve that loss. However, in my midst of grieving over these past seven years, I have learned some things I hope might be able to help some who are at the beginning of their grieving process. Here are some of those things: Dont let anyone tell you when its time to get over it. Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Not only that, but different situations require different sets of emotions that may take a longer time to process. You will go through a grieving process that is unique to you. If you feel it is taking longer than it should, dont be afraid to ask for help. Find a good support system. This could be family or friends, and it should be both. If the one you lost is a family member, staying close and talking to family is extremely important. However, talking with family can also be very difficult. For me, when I am having a rough day, I will hesitate to call family for fear of causing them to have a rough day too. This is where a good friend comes in. Having someone to talk to who is not emotionally involved allows you to say what you need to without fear of making her sad too. Allow time for yourself to think and reflect. While talking to others is helpful, just having alone time to think is important. I find peace while out on a run or while writing in my journal. Find what works for you. Things will get harder before they get easier. Immediately following a loss, most people experience a sense of shock. With my sister, the days, weeks and even a couple of months after were kind of a blur. And while I cried often, I really felt like I was going through the motions. It wasnt until a good six moths after that I felt like the shock wore off and the reality that she was gone really set in. Thats when it got hard, and I found myself really feeling the effects of her death. However, this only lasts so long, and things should get better. Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are often difficult. While you dont intend to have a hard day on these days, its often the way it goes. For me, anniversaries and holidays are more difficult than birthdays. When the anniversary of her death comes, I will often relive the days leading up to her death, as that day is a reminder of just that. While the holidays are a wonderful time to spend with family, it is often a reminder that my sister is missing. It is important, though, to remember the good times and not dwell on the sad. Find things in your everyday life that remind you of the good times. You never know when you are going to have a difficult day. For me, its nectarines, Almond Joys, V8, violin music and my 4-year-old daughter who has her same eyes and smile. By having things around you that remind you of the good, it will help you get through those days much easier. Finally … Its OK to smile … Its OK to cry … Its OK to feel. When grieving, there are a variety of emotions you will feel. When thinking of different things, you will feel different emotions. Allow yourself to cry when you feel sad, be angry when you feel hurt, and laugh when you feel happy. Suppressing these feelings only delays the process and often makes it more difficult. Let your body do what it needs to, and that is to feel. Grieving is not easy, it is not something that will happen overnight, and it is something that you will never stop doing. Be patient with yourself, and over time, things will get easier. About the Author: Arianne Brown
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 05:21:22 +0000