HEAD TO HEAD – SUNCOAST SUPERSTARS SMASH OK, so tomorrow is the big day, less than 24 hours before this clash of titans. 2.45pm. Ballinger Oval #1. BE THERE. Firstly, here’s the philosophical question (ripped from the internetz) that needs be asked: WILL OUR CHAMPION TEAM (Swannies) BE ABLE TO DEFEAT OUR TEAM OF CHAMPIONS (Suncoast Superstars)? Nice little snidey reference there. And now, the news: ASH GRAY (Swannies) v CHRIS NEWBOLD (Superstars): Two word summary for these two: RUN PIGS Both men have earned the #1 in the world. Both men have blasted our top bowlers to all parts. Both men have hit their own weight in KFC bonuses. Both men won the ‘Best Batsman’ trophy last season. Ash hit a frankly idiotic 11 x 50+ scores in a row, Chris hit a frankly greedy 3 x 90s and a 100 in a month. This one is too close to call, however I must go one way or the other, so I’m flipping a coin… And it’s Ash Gray to win this contest by a whisker. He was tails, which is presumably why I wrote whiskers. Clever. OLI LANE (Swannies) v WAYNE DOLDEN (Superstars) One word summary for these two: CONSISTENT Wayne Dolden, formerly of the US Marine Corps, and Oli Lane, formerly of MILF hunter, bring resolute consistency to their respective ranks. Oli’s lowest score in his first 11 matches was 20*, the big Marine converts almost 50% of his innings into 50+ scores. Both keep very tidily. Oli is speedy and chirpy, Wayne is powerful and poised (the main difference between the two). I’m picking both to get runs, but Wayne to outscore Oli and Oli to take more dismissals than Wayne. Tough one this one, well, they all are to be fair. LACHIE GUNNER (Swannies) v DAVE FITCHETT (Superstars) Two word summary for these two: DERANGED SICKOS These two sick individuals get off on trying to hurt and bump out their opponents. Dave is a left-armer, Lachie is a right-armer, Lachie is a teenager, Dave isn’t. Those are about the only differences though. They are both very fast, very talented, very strong and very accurate. Lachie was nursing an injury in the GF and may not be back to 100%, so I’m picking Fitchett to concede less runs but both to take a wicket apiece. Bring your helmets folks. Seriously. Yes – even if you aren’t even playing in the game. Even if you aren’t at the ground. Even if you don’t read this post. Even if you were never born. And so on… RICHARD MUTCH (Swannies) v BRAD BENEKE (Superstars) One word summary for these two: PIVOTAL On the surface this may seem an odd comparison – with ‘Dickmeister’ Mutch and ‘Le Plasterer’ Beneke essentially being different types of players. But when we look closer – both will fill a very similar kind of role for their respective sides. Dick Mutch is Swannies’ resident ‘partnership breaker’ with the ball, and has hit some truly superb and resolute scores (when required) as a batsman. Brad will play a ‘powerplay’ type role, being a batting equivalent of a ‘partnership breaker’, and chime in with the ball. Both are very gifted cricketers, extraordinary team men and the most laid back dudes I’ve met. I’m picking them to basically equal one another, relatively, with Dick to snare a crucial wicket at an important time and Brad to crash some rapid-fire runs towards the top order, putting the onus back on Swannies’ bowlers. PETER MCCAULEY (Swannies) v PAUL WILSON (Superstars) One word summary: ENGINE-ROOM (the hyphen makes it one word I’ve decided) A titanic struggle this will be. They’ll bat and bowl and make tough decisions. I can almost hear the steam whistle now (engine room terminology, in case you had NFI). Pierre Mac has dismissed the silken Wilson twice in their clashes. Wilson won best bowler in Div 1 last season. Wilson’s vast LMS experience, 50+ batting average and cricketing brain (in addition to his bowling skills) weigh heavily against P-Max, however P-Max wants this more than anyone (and that is saying something!). Both are dead all-rounders, both are in good form, and both have hit runs and jagged wickets in our strongest comp yet and when it counted the most. I’m calling Paul to dismiss P Mac, but P Mac to get runs. I’m calling Paul to outscore P Mac with bat, and P Mac to outbowl Paul. LEEROI ROWNTREE (Swannies) v MATT BATLEY (Superstars) Two word summary for these two: DOZY + DEADLY Both are so chilled out it is difficult to tell if they are physically breathing, both score runs for fun and with ease, and both have a one-track mind approach to batting – DESTROY. Leeroi averages 52 with the bat, hit a crucial 52* off 30 immediately after dislocating his shoulder off the bone, and has only been out under 10 in 3 of his 21 innings. He bowls at 13 runs per wicket. Batley is ranked #35 in the world, averages over 42 and has a frankly ridiculous strike-rate of over 250. He bowls at under 6.9 an over and is pointlessly quick (off his 5 paces). I see Batley going mental with the bat, pipping Rowntree to the post by his sheer strike-rate (both to get significant runs). TAYLOR NEVISON (Swannies) v JAMIE VIBERT (Superstars) One word summary for these two: BACKPACK (you’ll see why, patience you f…) Both are young, lean and talented. Both bowl left-arm seam with wicked accuracy and nagging efficiency. Both have produced show-stopping, match-winning, ‘get in my backpack so I can carry you’ performances in key matches on several occasions. Told you it’d make sense (re: backpack). Nevison took man of the match in the Div 1 GF for his insanely influential 3/14 off 4. He’s taken 11 at under 14 runs apiece and bowls at under 5.5 an over. Jamie took his men all the way to win the trophy by smashing over 800 runs (average 119) and a 237 s/rate and jagging 19 wickets at 6 an over. He’s #37 in the world with the bat. I see Nevison going for less runs an over, see a wicket apiece for them, and see Vibert smacking an unbeaten innings with the bat. KELVIN VENTURA (Swannies) v CHARL BOTES (Superstars) Two word summary for these individuals: WRECKING CREW Last but definitely not least – Charl is our highest ranked bowler in Sunshine Coast history, Ace Ventura jagged the 10th best figures in LMS history (taking 6/3). Charl wins over Ace with the bat – being ranked #43 in the world, averaging just under 60 and having a strike-rate of almost 230. Ace pips Charl with the ball by having a better average and lower ‘balls per wicket’ statistic. Pivotally – Ace will be the only front-line spinner of either side. Pivotally – Charl has subsisted on a diet of spin bowling since he was able to walk. I pick Charl to nail a couple of monsters off Ace only to eventually hole out to him. I’ve seen each of these men utterly raze their opponent in literal minutes, changing the entire complexion of a game single-handedly. Tremendously dangerous. FINAL THOUGHTS: Seriously – I may as well have bought one of those stupid magic 8 balls to determine who’ll outperform the other in these titanic head-to-head clashes. The contests are ridiculously even, the stakes are ridiculously high, and there is a veritable WAR CHEST of glittering and sharpened tools with which to cause savage destruction with on both sides of the trenches. Will it be sharp and sleek slicing of limbs, clean cuts that are meticulous and clinical? Or will it be blunt, bludgeoning – smashing in skulls and mashing up bones with guttural power? Duno why I went so awfully bloody and descriptive there, other than to say I watched a lot of Spartacus recently. We can’t wait, feel free to come down and watch tomorrow, we’ll whack on a couple of beers ($3 a pop, we’re not mental) and I can guarantee these two sides of gladiators (refer Spartacus confession) will put on a show. Will you be? #teamswannies OR #teamsuperstars ?????? Oh yeah, gambling and match-fixing are HIGHLY ENCOURAGED (I must receive at least 15% of all criminal profits). See you tomorrow, and f**k off rain you c… LMS_Dayne.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 05:22:07 +0000
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