HOW TO FORGIVE 1. STOP TELLING THE STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN How many times have you told the story about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt? It is a stake driven into the ground that keeps you from moving away from this hurt. Rather, forgive your enemy because its the kindest thing you can do for yourself! 2. UNDERSTAND That non-forgiveness and the hate you feel towards the ones that wronged you, does not harm him or her in the way that you want. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy. 3. THE BEST REVENGE The best revenge against your enemies is to live a successful and happy life. Want to get even with someone who tried to destroy you? Show them and show yourself (and the world) that the obstacles they tried to create were not significant enough to disable you and/or destroy you. 4. GROW FROM PAIN Turn the evil into something good. Think of your enemy as someone who has helped you to grow. Even though unfortunate things happen to us, the best thing we can do is take those opportunities as tests that will either destroy or strengthen us. If youve been through something, it didnt destroy you - take what you learned and become a better person because of it. 5. TURN THE NEGATIVE INTO A POSITIVE Make a list of the good things that emerged as a result of this awful experience. Youve probably focused long enough on the negative parts of this experience. Look at the problem from a completely new angle; look at the positive side. The first item on that list may be long overdue because you have focused on the negative for so long. See if you can identify 10 positive outcomes of this experience. 6. SEEK SUPPORT AND BE ENCOURAGING In your own nightmarish experience, think back to the people who helped you. Think about their kindness and selflessness Practice what you have learned from them. Was someone your Good Samaritan? In this biblical story, a traveler helps a poor soul who was beaten up on the road to Jericho and left for dead. Perhaps this isnt all about you. Perhaps your trial provided an opportunity for others to rise to an occasion to provide you with help and support. 7. UNTIE YOURSELF The fastest way to free yourself from an enemy and all associated negativity is to forgive. Untie the bindings and loosen yourself from that persons ugliness. Your hatred has tied you to the person responsible for your pain. Your forgiveness enables you to start walking away from him or her and the pain. Forgiveness is for you and not the other party. Freeing yourself through forgiveness is like freeing yourself from chains of bondage or from prison. 8. WISDOM AND TRUST Forgiveness is not acceptance of wrong behavior. If you must continue to interact with someone who has wronged you, who has offered a lame apology only to follow it up with more bad behavior, nothing requires you to trust such a person. This person isnt likely to ever be trustworthy -- you must keep a distance. While its fruitless to torment yourself over this persons actions, you should not be his or her willing victim. Acknowledge; move on. An offender who wants reconciliation must do his or her part: offer a sincere apology, promise not to repeat the offense (or similar ones), make amends, and give it time. If you dont see repentance, understand that according forgiveness to that person is a benefit to yourself, not to the offender. Unless those who have harmed us have truly repented of whatever they have done, we need to use wisdom in avoiding repeating the hurt. This may require avoiding those who are unrepentant of the harm that they have inflicted upon us. It would be wise to balance forgiveness against the certain knowledge that evil exists, and some people enjoy harming others. 9. GIVE THEM A BLESSING When the evil actions of the ones who hurt you come to mind, send him or her a blessing. Wish them well. Hope the best for him or her. This has two effects. One, it neutralizes that acid of hate that destroys the vessel in which it is stored. The evil we wish for another seems to have a rebound effect. The same is true for the good that we wish for another. When you make yourself able to return blessing for hatred, youll know that youre well on the path to wholeness. The first 15 - or 150 - times you try this, the blessing may feel contrived, empty, and even hypocritical but keep trying. Eventually, it will become a new habit and soon thereafter, the anger and pain that has burned in your heart will evaporate, like dew in the morning sun. This technique forces your mind to overcome the cognitive dissonance between hating someone and acting with compassion toward him or her. Since there is no way to take back the kind gesture to agree with your hatred, the only thing your mind can do is change your belief about the person to match. You will begin to say to yourself, S/he is deserving of a blessing, and indeed, must need one very much. 10. PRAY WITHOUT CEASING FOR YOURSELF AND THE ONES WHO HURT YOU! By: Ehow Rewritten and Revised By: Towana Williams
Posted on: Thu, 07 Nov 2013 19:12:19 +0000
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