Habit Five – Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: I understand that before rushing in to try to fix a problem, it is key that I truly understand the nature of the problem. Thus, I must seek first to understand, then to be understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal #communication. The four basic types of communication are reading, writing, speaking, and listening. The ability to do them well is essential to my effectiveness. Communication is the most important skill in life, and listening is just as important as expressing my thoughts. To interact effectively with someone, I must first understand that person. People can sense if I am using technique alone to interact with them. The key is my example, my actual conduct. My character is constantly radiating and communicating. The #vibe I give off determines whether I will be seen as naturally trustworthy. By opening up to people and helping them understand me and understand my feelings, they will know how to advise me. By doing this, they come to trust me, and are more willing to share with me. The key to building trust is #empathic listening. Rather than projecting my own feelings or experiences into someone else’s story, I listen as closely as I can, and try to see myself in their experiences. I try to #imagine myself in their shoes, and think what they would want from me. There are four levels of listening. The first is not listening, and the second is selective listening. The third is attentive listening, where I pick up the basic information. The fourth, and highest, is empathic listening. Empathic listening means I listen with intend to understand and get inside their frame of reference. Thus, I can see the #world the way they see it. Empathic listening requires not just my ears, but my eyes, body, and heart. I use both parts of my #brain, and I sense, intuit, and feel. Empathic listening gives me accurate data to work with, and a clear picture of what I need to do to help fix this problem. Empathic listening is a powerful method for making deposits in the emotional bank account. By listening with empathy, I am giving a person psychological air that helps to alleviate the immediate stress on them. Once they have that air, I can focus on influencing or problem solving. This is a hard, tricky technique that requires practice, but it is an incredibly powerful tool for creating lasting relationships. With the foundation of the first three habits, I have a stable inner core that allows me to handle the more outward vulnerability with peace and strength. I must have confidence in the diagnosis before I have confidence in the prescription. Thus, understanding the problem is the necessary first step before any work in problem solving. The typical autobiographical responses of evaluating, probing, advising, or interpreting can only be effective if I first gain the person’s trust and help them realize that I can be trusted and I am trying to see things from their perspective. I must have the desire to truly step inside another person and see things as they do. There are four stages to master the skills of empathic listening. The first and least effective is to mirror content. The second stage is to mirror the content, but to rephrase it. The third stage is to understand the content and reflect the feelings expressed. The fourth stage involves reflecting the subject and the feeling. As I authentically seek to understand, I give the person who is confiding in me #psychological air. I help them work through their own thoughts and feelings. As this process works, the person begins to trust me with their innermost thoughts and feelings. When someone is hurting and I listen with a pure desire to understand, it is amazing how quickly they feel more comfortable and ready to open up. The #heart of this entire process is #sincerity. People can sense if I am sincere, and the process only works if I am truly here to understand. People want to be understood, and the #investment of time it takes to truly do that will bring much greater returns of time as I work from the correct framework and solve problems effectively. Through empathic listening, I discover the differences in perception that exist. Two people can see the same situation through completely different lenses. By understanding first, I am able to realize what is at the core of the other person’s thoughts or behavior. Once I understand, the next stage is to express my perspective and seek to be understood. Where seeking to understand takes consideration, seeking to be understood takes courage. A win/win solution requires both. By combining my personal credibility, my empathy, and my logic, I am able to get my point across effectively. When I can present my ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and contextually, I increase the credibility of my ideas. This habit lifts me to greater accuracy and integrity in my presentations, and people sense that. It is within my control to always seek to understand. Once I understand a situation, my circle of influence expands, and it is easier for me build emotional bank accounts. I can practice this right now. I put aside my own autobiography and genuinely seek to understand and put myself in their shoes. Once I am seeing things through their eyes, I am able to communicate my own perspective more effectively. By truly understanding others, I open the door to new, creative solutions, and our differences become the stepping stones to synergy. I am ready to embrace the power of understanding to truly connect with the people around me. Success Is at Your Fingertips! The authors proven philosophy for success, which used to take years to master has been reformatted into custom audios that fit in the palm of your hand. Grab your iPhone, sit back, listen and learn anytime and anywhere. Use Hero Notes AUDIOS as an accelerated learning aid, a tool to help you understand the principles of the book. We have included the chapter TEXT so you can follow along with the narrator or just read the key principles of the book whenever you please. Download your new life... Today! Android Link: https://play.google/store/apps/details?id=com.bizooku.the7habits iPhone Link: bit.ly/1g5Sag3 #leadership #success #goals #life #StephenCovey #7Habits #Principles #Paradigms #meditative #ibm #microsoft #oracle #cisco #google #facebook #wallstreet #psychology #Deepak #TonyRobbins
Posted on: Fri, 14 Nov 2014 14:56:08 +0000
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