Had an exam today yet still found time to do Silver Cauldron editing! But I need my wonderful likers to help me with a little something... Ive decided to change to a very short passage in The Silver Cauldron but not sure how to change it, so I need some opinions. Below are two options the new passage could be, they still need a bit of work, but if you could tell me which one you think is best, if either of them, Id really appreciate it! :) The passage is the moment where the main character (Ajali) is running away from danger and her best friend (Rafik) shouts after her, but I realised if shes trying to get away without being seen, calling after her will only get her noticed! So here are the two different ways Ive thought of changing it: 1. I know, Rafik said calmly, his face becoming more serious, but Ill hold them off for as long as I can so you can get away, I promise. Suddenly he broke out into a huge grin. What? Ajali demanded, slightly worried by how this situation was making me so happy. I always knew you were important, he murmured. He glanced around. The coast is clear, go, while you still can! Ajali could think of nothing to say other than a thank you as she dodged past her best friend and raced towards the castle entrance. 2. I know, Rafik said calmly, his face becoming more serious, but Ill hold them off for as long as I can so you can get away, I promise. He glanced around. The coast is clear, go, while you still can! Ajali could do nothing but utter a thank you as she dodged past her best friend and raced towards the castle entrance. As she did so Rafik couldnt help but smile once more. I always knew you were important Ajali, he muttered to himself. So what did you think of them? Let me know, thank you!! :)
Posted on: Mon, 19 May 2014 20:36:20 +0000
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