Happy 25th Unanniversary to me!!! On this date all those years ago I came home from work to find my husband and all his, ours and some of my things, gone. At first, I thought wed been robbed; I was incredulous and incredibly naive to discover the truth. Whenever I retell this story, I realize that for some reason I feel compelled to add that he took not only all the wedding gifts, and my jewelry, but the vacuum cleaner, and Erics passport, too. And, that he charged up my credit cards with an affair, took rooms in her name that I paid for. I guess in hindsight he was trying to suck the dust out of his life and build a new one for himself. He was entitled to his happiness, but, leaving in that manner left me feeling as if the ground I walked on was quicksand and I had to relearn to trust. My father was dying...I worked part-time...my baby was not even a year. In retrospect, he wasnt ready to be a husband and father and I forgave him a long time ago for to hold on to resentment anchors one to the past. He didnt know how to extricate himself from a commitment way over his head. His family are my Facebook friends. I love them and they, me. So, I wont go deeper into it than this... Back then, little did I know that this one day, this very date would change my life and Erics forever in ways that are both tangible and deep-seated. For many years I was angry, hurt, betrayed and felt I deserved it. That ate away at my soul and my self-esteem but it also gave me purpose and drive because I had to support my son and our little family. Sometimes I did great and many times, I did not. It was a financial roller coaster as well as an emotional one. At one point I fell into a pit and if not for my wonderful friends who lifted me up, would have been entombed there. The ensuing years, most profoundly, affected the way I was able to mother my son appropriately, or not. So, who I really havent forgiven is myself. I lost my dad, my husband, my job and my way of life all within a year. I had no time to grieve for any one of those things, let alone face the future with the stone that sat on my heart. Things get put on hold when youre responsible for the life of another. Ive no idea how our lives would have turned out if wed stayed together. But I do know that the way we approach loss in this manner is not something easily processed while youre going through it. If wed stayed together, my son would not have the beautiful sisters and brother who live in Israel. I would not have found my Isaac, who has for all intents and purposes been Erics dad and my rock for the past 14 years. Divorce is not easy, not even for the person who initiates it. There is no escaping the feelings of failure that go along with it that sometimes get transposed onto the ex. And when kids are involved, its so hard to be the understanding cheerleader for the parent who walks out and sometimes never looks back. Yet, cheerlead we must for children have the right to be loved by as many as possible, in ways limited or grand. I admit I failed at this at times. My father used to say that if you can get through divorce you can get through anything, stronger than youd ever imagined. How right you are dad! So, I raise a glass to my ex and thank him for changing my life for the better! Hes on his third marriage and Im on my second. We are both happier apart than we ever could have been together. We dont talk to each other and probably never will. Some things just arent possible with some people. But...life is what it is. Happy Unanniversary - so looking forward to the next 25...
Posted on: Sun, 02 Feb 2014 16:37:21 +0000
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