Happy Birthday ZiZi and Zayd – My Words of Thankfulness It is hard to imagine that our little Z pack has been with us a year already – today at 11:19am (for both of them). At once, it seems like so much has happened, yet we are only a year into the lives to our two heartfelt gifts! Though it makes for great storytelling, I recall the news that they would be delivered early by C-section while still in my hotel room in Kuala Lumpur. Within an hour of the news, I was boarding a flight to JFK that would leave me questioning if I would make it home for their arrival, with 30 hours of anticipated travel. Even as I landed at JFK did Marwan tell me that I might need to divert the car service to the hospital because our little bundles were signaling that they might want to enter this world a little earlier. Fortunately, the delivery happened just as planned and our goddess who brought these little “skinned squirrels” – as I affectionately called them when I saw them – recovered well and the Z pack’s health alert status was happily downgraded to “feeders and growers” – a term that I still have not fully come to embrace though it beats the alternatives. Over the next 39 days for Zayd and 53 days for ZiZi, we dutifully drove a half hour to Bridgeport NICU daily to feed our babies, spend precious skin-to-skin time with them and meet the many lovely families and adorable babies that would come and leave before we were told that our precious Z pack would get to go home too! I keep the photos from this period on my screensaver to remind me of those tense days. At the time, I believe I was in too much denial to fully comprehend what was going on. First, I thought they were adorable. I half-wittedly posted photos of them daily thinking that everyone would adore them just as we did. I must have been blind and certainly not in touch with reality – likely this is a healthy tactic. Of course, I can only say this now that time has passed and we see just how human they look now. Second, almost everyone else told us how adorable they were. Call me gullible if you like, but held onto those words thinking that our babies were adorable, but just on the small side. For the most part, the other NICU babies were also premies and our babies didn’t seem that different. Third, as an ID physician, how could I not have been terrified knowing about all the really horrific germs that lurk out within hospitals. Fourth, I was lulled into thinking that this would be easy. We showed up, went through the routine of changing diapers, feeding the babies and letting them sleep on our chests. How hard could this be? Well, happily, that phase ended and home everyone came. Zayd, at first, followed by ZiZi. At first, we could not balance who stayed with Zayd and who went to see ZiZi each day. Never was there a moment when the one of us was not with them. Who’s on First? What’s on Second? …. and the like plagued us daily. The near starts of thinking that ZiZi was coming home only to be told while “en route” that she would stick around for another week. One more week to become addicted to the sounds of the monitors that would let us know if our babes were breathing on their own or needing to be resuscitated. At last – at home sweet home! Now the real worry began. No monitors! No nurses! No instructions! Lots of opinions! No solutions – just trial and error! Our ritual became implanted – thaw breast milk, fortify it with iron, heat it to a perfect temperature, repeated burping, sleep and all over again. Of course, daily baths and lots of singing punctuated the routine every 3-hour bottle-feedings. What we did not anticipate, and never got used to, what the excruciating discomfort that ZiZi experienced almost every day from 4 to 8pm – gastrointestinal colic! While we are able to articulate how we suffered, ZiZi did not have the words to tell us just how awful it was. The crying was inconsolable. We resorted from feeding, walking, singing, massaging her stomach, giving her anti-gas drops, etc. To no avail, the time we spent the most time with her was the time when she suffered most – and so did her Dads. As suddenly as it arrived, it disappeared the day she reached her six-month birthday. I think we were all thankful for that transition. Our little girl who seemed to suffer endlessly emerged as a joyous and happy infant that melted our already thawed out hearts. In the meantime, Zayd transitioned from “perfect baby” who never cried except when he needed to (food or diaper change) to emerging as entitled to be held and get attention from his tirelessly ebullient sister. In other words, time was the great equalizer. I have grown to appreciate and experience first-hand that it takes a village to raise a child. It just would have been impossible, or minimally insane, did we not have the help and support from family (who would travel to help us out with a minute’s notice), friends (way to many to mention) and our Nanny who have smoothed some really tumultuous roller coaster rides. I marvel at how challenging it must be for single moms (or dads) and who don’t have the support we have had manage to raise children. I am truly humbled by what it takes and how few hours there are in any given day to get done what is needed. To borrow from a children’s story tale, our “ugly ducklings” have emerged as beautiful swans. Not that I ever thought for a second that they were ugly, but I can look at them now and see how they have grown. To borrow from the Grateful Dead, What a Long Strange Trip Its Been! Even though it has been just a year, it seems like a lifetime has passed as I try to think back to what LBK was like – just in case, it is Life Before Kids! In fact, I can’t imagine it. With so many children being born premature, it should not seem that strange, but the very strangeness to our sense of child-rearing makes it indeed not typical. A trip – yes, one of a lifetime! What is nice about a trip is that it just keeps going. We are told that we are through the easy part and that things just keep getting better. Call me naïve, but it hasn’t been terrible – just an adventure! In just a few hours, we are planning to have a mini-celebration of their first year of life. Nothing big – a few cupcakes, some coffee and balloons! This first will soon become a second, a fifth, a sixteenth, a twenty first and then the many other milestones that will come our way. If I could amend the Grateful Dead’s comment, I would say … What a Wonderful Trip it Will Be – One Way or the Other! Happy Birthday my precious ZiZi and Zayd! We love you so very much!
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 20:52:04 +0000
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