Happy Friday, Mommy! (What have you thought of our time management discussions this week? Two more days!) Back-up. I could not lead the life I do without back-up. I’m good, (and so are you), but I am not superhuman. I get tired, I have good days and bad days, I have strengths and weaknesses. And then there are the times my kids will have three different events in three different locations on the same night. (So I’ll just wave my magic wand and teleport you over to baseball…) Even for the most efficient women in the world, time management will occasionally require back-up, a hand-off to someone else who can help you get it done. Grandmas, girlfriends, carpools, after school programs, the fabulous college-age babysitter … if you don’t have back-up, find some! Who can you work with? Who also needs support? Build a network of support, and be part of someone else’s. My #1 back-up and partner in life is my husband. He and I, thank God, see marriage as a partnership, and parenting as a relay race. He and I work together in house-keeping, bread-winning, and decision making. I could not lead the life I do without him. Over the years we have become aware of each other’s strengths and weaknesses and adjusted accordingly. I LOVE mornings, he needs five minutes lying in bed to deal with the realization that he’s awake and must start the day. I zip cheerfully about the house in the early A.M. He lumbers. At night, I am a drooling and often overly-emotional zombie. I have trouble focusing on my task, I move slowly, I want nothing more than to fall into bed and let sleep come over me. My husband is a rock star at night. Smiling, laughing, making dinner. He wakes up after 6 P.M. I’m better with the money stuff, he’s better with the yard. We both do laundry – me in the morning, him at night. We have fallen into our comfort zones of ability, and our house runs better for it. We also don’t keep score. Years ago we went to a marriage retreat where they talked about successful marriages requiring 100% from both partners. 50-50 doesn’t work here, they said, it’s got to be 100-100, and I agree. The shape and texture of families in our society is changing; you and I are part of that, and I, for one, do not see it as a loss. We don’t have to compromise on the quality of our lives, our homes, our relationships with our children, just because we work outside the home. We will, on many occasions, need help, and that is just fine. We will also, on many occasions, offer support to another working mommy. That’s how it goes. This life is not some sort of horrible less-than, this Working Mommy dance; it is a new thing, its own thing, and it is beautiful. I love this life, messy as it is, difficult as it can be some days, and even though I do get really, really damn tired sometimes. Jettison your guilt that you are not doing every single thing all by yourself. Jettison your guilt that you are not there for every single minute. Work with your back-up to get it (mostly) all done and enjoy your one and precious life. With love,
Posted on: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 11:56:21 +0000
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