Happy Holidays everyone! As I was laying in bed this morning, a lot of thoughts ran through my mind. Including where was I at this time last year and where was I at this time 2 years ago. But, there was one thought that was sticking in my mind and kept running through my head. Thank God I had my three other children! I cant tell you the countless number of people who had made comments similar to that to Shawn and I. And at first, although we didnt show it, it kinda upset us. We would wonder, does that make it better? Does it make the pain of losing a child less painful? Its amazing what a couple years can do for you. Looking back on it now, I believe those people who said that could see what having children would do for us. What it did for me was the following: 1. It made me get out of bed every day. There were so many days I wanted to just stay in bed, avoid the world and wallow in my grief and misery. But, little people need fed and hugged and need attention. So, no staying in bed. 2. It made me go back to work. Because I had to get up every day and get my children off to school, I figured I may as well go back to work. I was up anyways. 3. It made me face the sadness of celebrating holidays without a child, because you have to celebrate when you have 3 other children young enough to believe in the magic of the holidays. 4. It made me talk about my loss. With little people who had hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of questions every day for the longest time, I had to talk about it. 5. It made me interact with others and face the struggles of talking about it with others. My children were involved in things. The world couldnt stop, their worlds couldnt stop because my world was rocked to the core. So, I had to interact with others. Thankfully, everyone was so kind and respectful, but I still had anxiety about it. 6. It helped push me to find peace with the situation, because that is what I had to do to be a good mom to the children God let me continue to raise. So, with that being said, as we get through next week, with Janelles Angel Birthday or Angelversary, and as we try to get through our 3rd Christmas without Janelle, I am going to continue to be thankful that at least I have the other 3 children. Because all those people who said that, they must have somehow known that without them, I would still be in my bed, wallowing in sadness, grief and misery, 2 years later. I am almost sure of that. Also, if I can ask a huge favor of all of you. Can you please say lots of prayers for those who have lost a child and who dont have other children? Their hearts are broken and they dont have any other little people forcing them to deal with their sadness. And what Shawn and I found most helpful was people just being there. The people we loved were the ones who came over and talked normal if we wanted to talk normal or they would talk about Janelle if we wanted to talk about Janelle. So, maybe you could be there for them in some way like that, especially during the holidays. The holidays are supposed to be merry, but thats really hard to feel when you have a significant loss and its even hard to feel when you feel so alone. Thank you!
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 15:06:33 +0000