Happy New Year. 2014 had it’s tests. Oh yes it had it’s tests, but it had it’s high points and I bet you can guess, it’s still standad procedure – everyt’ing bless! Rest before the test, rest during the test, or as I think Craig said “rest as the test”. Even Bruce Lee was known to attest that when we’re relaxed we work the best. I got real with reality and closer to my family, Pleaidians and Sirians, yeah, THEY can channel ME. I got real with reality and closer to my family so can it be that I give thanks for getting depressed? Yes! Yeah, 2014 had hilarity and tragedy. It was a challenging and rewarding year. I give thanks for the challenges. But I also give thanks to the lovely people who helped provide happy times to get through the challenges. To name a few, the Happy Daze crew and the Happy Daze Ravers Guide to the Galaxy, the 12:34 crew and the Congo Natty Event and the Kenny Ken event (big up the Falmouth massive), the Boomtown Happy Daze Crew for Boomtown shenanigans and an extra big up to Jake Lake aka Jakus Lakus of Kapes n Jakus for being the perfect DJ Ive been trying to manifest for 20 years with his selection of Dub, Hip-hop, and Jungle at Happy Daze and 12:34 events (and even surprising me with his secret selection of funk and garage too!), Mark Dub and DUB Revolution for everything, the shows, the radio show but especially the Dub Revolution German tour with big big big ups to the PLUGDUB SOUNDSYSTEM Dub and Plug Wizards and Natty Locks the Dub Station and all the German crew, espeically Sista Sherin, Christian Walter Senor C and Toni Wobble Toni Wiese (little do they know they were the beginning of me crawling out of my hole of depression and back on to stages), big up the Poet Tree Alliance crew especially Human During Digression Dèl La Sauterelle and Tim Scott for the Milton Keynes links, putting me on stage and jamming in your gardens, the Balanced View crew for short moments many times. the trainings, wisdom and loveliness, for revealing the basic nature of inteligence and the nature of the mind, the Steiner training group, all my teachers and Group 17, and for those that supported me during my winter relocation and rebirth – Zu Studios crew in Lewes, the Passing Clouds crew in London particularly Ashearon Alexander and Gita Izabella who both helped make the scary prospect of moving to London a surprisingly lovely expeerience, Dorothy Watkins and the Duende crew in Bristol and last but not least my Synchromystic family for synchronously and mystically linking me everywhere from Avebury on Summer Solstice to Amma in October, to tragic yet beautiful memorials in December, to Winchester and Stonehenge on Winter Solstice and various unlikely jams and unexpected meetings and unplanned rehearsals inbetween :-) Happy New Year. Hm, not really capable of leaving it there. Well I am but that’s not my preference. It’s been a testing year and a rewarding year, one of the most testing ando ne of the most rewarding. So expect a philosophical and emotional essay which I will edit and/or deete dependng on how anxious and self conscious I feel later :-) (I actually already deleted loads of unnecessary personal reflections, and ego-driven thoughts, feelings and emotions, irrelevant data.) It seems this year in particular this little incarnation of infinity, this little peephole out of open intelligence, was really facing the things a mirror that was reflecting darkness that had been avoided or replaced for years. IT thought it was an “I” and this I hated hypocrisy. But this I had been preaching forgiveness, but it’s hard, if not impossible, to forgive someone that does not want to be forgiven. The illusion of “I” could not practice what it preached. The illusion of “I” began to hate itself. Again. There is no “I”. Just a massive web of infinite consciousness, maybe occasionally, simultaneously looking out of two eyes, or maybe three. Or maybe 7 billion “I”s and sets of eyes, but that doesn’t count the trees. Meh. The truth is that we’re all massive hypocrites, and I exalt that, how can we not be with our super-multidimensional selves, we’re always going to have aspects of our personalities that disagree with our habits, our ever shifting preferences are always going to be at odds with our ever changing emotions, our desires do not always align with our morals, as long as we cling to this illusion of an I that doesn’t change. So we can paradoxically exalt and salute our hypocrisy in acknowledgement that it is an expression of how infinite and complex we all are. While at the same time those of us who share a hatred of fakeness can salute our integrity and honour, just don’t get attached to it cos its an imaginary rug waiting to get pulled. (To cut a very long story short) eventually my avoiding and replacing didn’t work anymore, The illusion of the I didn’t want to live in squats anymore, the illusion of the I had to pay rent, the illusion of the I hated most jobs cos most people who are neither activists nor hippies will probably challenge my beliefs but this little incarnation of infinity has decided this year to face those challenges, leave the 4:20 all day every day life behind, live with family and train to be a Steiner school teacher. The independent and rebellious side is really reluctant to give credit where it’s due mainly due to a fear and hatred of most organisations and/or groups (and because I have to humble myself for dropping out of the teaching in 2007 and slowly re-intergrating into the community particularly when my depression came back at the start of 2014.) But I would not be where I am today, and I mean literally I probably would not be in London training to be a Steiner school teacher, if the Balanced View training had not helped me live with depression and face my fears. It’s the most practical teaching I’ve come across and the most useful organisation / or group I’ve been a part of and they’re all lovely. balancedview.org 2014 you appeared to be a rollercoaster of epic highs and tragiclows but the universal consciousness it all appeared in remains the same – open source intelligence fully networked, steadily improving connections to the 7 bilion other humans whether digital or beyond. And I have not forgotten, the epic highs and the epic people were EPIC! Thank you lovely people for the highs. So, in short, thank you depression for helping to get real with reality. Thank you hypocrisy for helping to see how multidimensional we are. Thank you rebellion for showing me how the same lessons are learned on a seemingly unique path. Thank you 2014 for being a test. But mainly thank you for the people. The people who said wise things or loving things, the people who spoke from their hearts and not their ego, the people who live to be of benefit to all (that’s everybody), and the people who KNOW they live to be of benefit to all (that appears to be a growing number.) Thank you people. (Hm, considering I spent most of the year learning from depression and living with anxiety my photographic highlight reel looks like I was having the most fun ever. I wonder what the lens of hindsight will reveal 2014 to have been?) But 2015 – I’d rather not have to learn those lessons again, rest before the test, rest during the test and rest as the test and maybe it won’t be so testing? Relax before you react? May I learn to rest before the test in 2015. Relax before we react, and react as one. Relaxed but getting more work done. So 2015, less deaths and more money would be great. But if it’s not the case I’ll just relax anyway, and get more work done. It’s just stuff that happens. So thanks again people for helping me to get through a testing year. I don’t know if I’m less depressed now or less anxious now or just better at living with it. But this little incarnation of infinity, this little peephole outof open intelligence, is better at living with depression and anxiety, thank you all for helping life on planet Earth seem less constantly painful and reminding me that there is wisdom, beauty and love on this journey. Wishing all of you all of the verybest for 2015, and may you all learn to live in joy with whatever it gives you. Om lokah samasta sukino bhavantu.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 11:14:13 +0000
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