Happy Sunday and thank you viewing my page. Please tune in tonight at 7pm to Relationship Matters featuring BSmart topics Dating after 40. Where can you find a responsible mate?” Call 559-726-1300 code 498402#. Hosting, is yours truly Baron “BSmart” Howard and co-host Shauntise “The Regulator” Howard. And since relations matter, let’s talk relationships! The Beginning Stages of a Relationship In the early months of a relationship (I often refer to this as the honeymoon phase) it can feel effortless and exciting to be happy and compatible. However, successful long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by both partners. Building healthy patterns early in your relationship can establish a solid foundation for the long haul. When you are just starting a relationship, it is important to: Build. Build a foundation of appreciation and respect for one another. Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say thank you to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made. Explore. Explore each others interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand the mutual interests. Important Things to Recognize as Your Relationship Grows Relationships Change. Changes in life that occur outside your relationships will impact what you want and need from relationships. As we all know change is inevitable, welcoming change as an opportunity to enhance your relationship is most worthwhile rather than trying to acknowledge and prevent change from happening. Check in Periodically. Occasionally set aside time to check in with each other on changing expectations and goals. If a couple ignores difficult topics too long, the relationship is likely to drift into a less becoming place without their noticing. Each of us enters into romantic relationships with ideas about what we want based on family relationships, a variety of other observances, and our own past relationship experiences. Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause a relationship to be unsatisfying and to ultimately fail. Respect Changes. What you want from a relationship in the beginning of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been together for some time. Anticipate that both you and your partner will change over time. Feelings of love and passion change with time, as well. Respecting and valuing these changes is healthy. Love literally changes the brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship will have a more complex and often prosperous type of passion than a new relationship. Accept Differences. Although difficult, it is healthy, to accept that there are some things about our partners that will not change over time, no matter how much we want them to. Unfortunately, there is sometimes an expectation that our partner will change only in the ways we want. We may also hold the unrealistic expectation that our partner will never change from the way he or she is now. Express Wants and Needs. While it is easy to assume that your partner knows your wants and needs, this is often not the case and can be the source of much stress in relationships. A healthier approach is to directly express our needs and wishes to our partner. Respect Your Partners Rights. In healthy relationships, there is respect for each partners right to have her/his own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions. It is unrealistic to expect or demand that that he or she have the same priorities, goals, and interests as you. Be Prepared to Fight Fair. Couples who view conflict as a threat to the relationship, and something to be avoided at all costs, often find that accumulated and unaddressed conflicts are the real threat. Healthy couples fight, but they fight fair - accepting responsibility for their part in a problem, admitting when they are wrong, and seeking compromise. Additional information about fair fighting can be found here. Maintain the Relationship. Most of us know that keeping a vehicle moving in the desired direction requires not only regular refueling, but also ongoing maintenance and active corrections to the steering to compensate for changes in the road. A similar situation applies to continuing relationships. While we may work hard to get the relationship started, expecting to cruise without effort or active maintenance typically leads the relationship to stall or crash! Though gifts and getaways are important, it is often the small, nonmaterial things that partners routinely do for each other that keep the relationship satisfying. Healthy relationships require maintenance; regardless of the type of relationship. Eight Tips to Maintaining a Good Relationship 1. Develop an understanding of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the relationship. 2. Express to one another know what your needs are. 3. Understand that your partner will not be able to meet every single need. Some needs will have to be met outside of the relationship. 4. Be open to negotiation and compromise on the things you want from each other. 5. Do not place demands for a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept the differences between your ideal mate and the real person you are dating. Who they are and what your expectations are can and will differ. This is a process that both parties must be willing to grow into. 6. Try to see things from the others point of view. This doesnt mean that you must agree with one another all the time, but rather that both of you can understand and respect each others differences, points of view, and separate needs. There is power in the ability to “agree to disagree. 7. Where differences do exist in the expectations, needs, or opinions, try to work honestly and sincerely to negotiate. Seek professional help early rather than waiting until the situation becomes critical. 8. Do your best to treat your partner in a way that says, I love you and trust you, and I want to work this out. Actions always speak louder than words in a relationship. See part two of this post next Sunday when we talk relationships. And don’t forget, it’s time to “BSmart” about everything you do!
Posted on: Sun, 27 Oct 2013 13:16:58 +0000
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