Harmful Intent? Absolutely. Groups notoriously are teachers, their curriculum bent on breaking the victim. In our situation...we were the victims and the perpetrators were our daughters..indoctrinated by a real group of trusted teachers. To think that a profession with the greatest power differential and the power to truly fracture a family...had some of their own doing just that. Our loving, brilliant and affectionate children slowly and insidiously were groomed for destruction so that they could deliver the final blow...leave the family in ruins while the group gains full control of their minds. The weeks leading up to their disengagement from our home was nothing short of psychological warfare and we were being held hostage...a life time drama unfolding in our very home with no idea why. The behaviors are best categorized below. Why is the silent treatment so harmful? First of all, it’s only intent is to cause harm; its one person isolating the other, withholding emotion, approval, and acceptance. It is a means of punishing another person. Our children totally isolated themselves from all friends and family) With this act of manipulation, several things are happening to the victim (that would be the family)/ Self-doubt: the victim begins to question the situation and wonder if he or she did something wrong or actually is the one at fault (even though instinctively, we know this is not true). Feeling abandoned: if the victim has prior abandonment issues, this isolation can feel very much the same as being physically and emotionally abandoned Loneliness, shame, guilt, and all the emotions that come from being ‘punished’ or scolded by another person. Increased anxiety: what if he or she leaves me or stays mad at me, what will happen? What if he or she hurts me or the children. This is especially true if the silent treatment is accompanied by the tell-tale angry outbursts, tantrums, and other forms of non-verbal communication expressing anger. The Victim’s Mind Does All The Work The result of anxiety is the brain creating a plethora of worst case scenarios. The abuser can spend very little energy while the victim’s brain does all the work. We can, essentially, talk ourselves into believing that reconciliation is better than any of the alternatives; thus, we may give in, take responsibility for things we didn’t actually do, apologize instead of demanding an apology, and validating the abusers belief that we are dependent upon the relationship, and therefore, on him or her. Alternating Forms of Abuse When it came to arguments , not allowing any silence or hesitation in my responses. Pushing for immediate answers in a confrontational and invasive way, accusing that I must be lying if I am not able to answer immediately. Since most of the statements and questions are meant to be confrontation and accusatory, there really was no way to answer, and they know that. This was just another method of control: the bully tactic. When someone is in your personal space, it feels like an attack and immediately creates panic. The response is usually to shut down and not engage back in the argument, especially since everything I said would be used against me later, twisted in meaning, or dismissed entirely. Verbal attacks would, of course, be denied entirely when referred to at a later date. Both methods, the silent treatment and bullying, were effective ways of asserting control. Neither method was used with the intention of reconciliation or compromise. To me, it is an especially insidious and cowardly form of abuse in which the abusers deny what they do and leave no viable evidence, only the victims’ manipulated memory. Sociopathic personalities/destructive groups/cults all operate in the same fashion. The tale is re-written but the outcome is virtually the same.
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:00:00 +0000
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